Dear Jada,
As I’m nearing the end of my first year of college, you’re nearing the end of your second year of middle school. Wow, I’ve done it already. See? That’s my problem. I’ve already found a way to make this about me. Every time you’ve asked about me, I’ve been too busy to come and see you. If it wasn’t one thing, it was always another. I may not show it. I may not even prove it, but I miss you too. I don’t know what I miss the most. It might be doing your makeup. It might be taking you to the park on Saturday mornings. But, whatever it is, I promise I won’t miss another important moment in your life.
It actually tears me apart inside when you’re two inches taller every time I see you. I keep learning things about you that I hear through the grapevine and that isn’t how it should be. I want you to know that I’m here for you, even if you can’t tell. I want you to know that you can come to me with your boy problems because I think they suck, too. I want you to know that you can call me in the middle of the night because the pressures of growing up are starting to become too much to handle because trust me, I think they are, too. I want you to know that I’m your best friend because I pinky swear that you’ll always be mine, too.
You don’t know this, but, every day, I try something new and when it doesn’t go well, I make a mental note. “Tell Jada not to try this.” Whether it be an exotic new food or a huge life decision, if I made that mistake once, I would be making that same mistake twice if I let it happen to you. I don’t know if it’s just my strange protective big sister ways, but I don’t want to see you unhappy. I’m not talking about that little attitude you get when Daddy doesn’t let you get your smoothie from McDonald’s and makes you opt out for a regular drink. I’m talking about genuine unhappiness and if I have contributed to that at all by not physically being there for you, I want you to know that I am truly and deeply sorry for not having the time. You are a priority and I failed to realize that.
I do want you to understand one thing, though. I’m still growing up, too. I know I try to act as if I have it all together, but the truth is that I still really want to lay on the floor with you and watch Degrassi all day. I still really want to bicycle around the neighborhood with you until the sun goes down and we have to come back home. I still really want to come home to you lying in your bassinette and get in trouble for giving you too many kisses. I know I haven’t been the most present older sibling, but there’s one thing that will never change and that’s the fact that you’ll always be my little sister.
With love,
Erica
I know we have much more recent pictures, but I’ve always liked this one.