Any server can tell you that serving a couple on a date is the absolute worst. But when you have to serve them on a day dedicated specifically to romance, things escalate from usual levels of uncomfortable to a whopping code yikes real quick. Here are the things that waiters/waitresses suffer through every Feb. 14. Commence the awkward.
1. Bad dates are the worst
You’d be surprised how difficult it becomes to ask “would you like another water?” to a table of two who obviously cannot stand each other. I don’t know about you, but I always hate seeing a date completely implode. It’s like watching a car crash. You want to tear your eyes away, but you can’t.
2. Loving couples are even worse
Would you like some breadsticks with your sexual tension? Don’t get me wrong, it’s great that they are having a wonderful time, but it’s d*mn near impossible to gauge whether or not it’s appropriate for us to come to a table without interrupting. It feels like we’re thirdwheeling to complete strangers.
3. Never knowing whether or not to split the bill
Ah yes, the bill. Every server’s favorite part of the meal (mostly because it signifies the end)… except when it comes to dates. Because, of course, the inevitable “let me get the check” playfight arises and you must stand there awkwardly amidst their “adorable” banter. Y’all, for the sake of your tired, underpaid server, don’t do this. It’s not cute. We just want to collect our tip and go home.
4. You and your coworkers predicting whether or not those two are going to have sex
It’s creepy, I know, but don’t lie like you haven’t done it.
5. Dates never knowing when to leave
The restaurant closed more than 15 minutes ago, but the lovebirds are still playing footsie and poking at untouched desserts. Again, see the aforementioned. We just want to collect our tip and go home. Go have sex at home or a hotel or an Arby’s parking lot, for the love of God. Anywhere but here.
6. Having to deal with obnoxious Valentine’s Day specials
And the following few weeks when people ask for them even though Valentine’s Day has ended. STOP.
7. Worst of all, not being with your loved one on Valentine’s Day
The only thing worse than not being with your SO is not being with your SO while being surrounded by happy couples.
8. The glaring reminder of how single you are
Or, for all the single pringles, it sucks to be surrounded by happy couples. I’m already making below minimum wage. Why must I suffer more?
Whether it’s the finest of French bistros or the even the dinkiest of Olive Gardens, most servers can agree that Valentine’s Day is not one to look forward to. Maybe when V-Day rolls around, keep these things in mind. Happy Valentine’s Day!