This Friday, many collegiettes will be out spending QT with their cuties, but what about the many girls who are in a long distance relationship? Being in a long distance relationship myself, I know how hard it is to be away from the one you love while you see everyone else basking in the glow of love from their special someone. With Valentine’s Day coming up, I thought it would be interesting to get perspective from other girls who are going through the same thing that I am.
I had the opportunity to interview five collegiettes from all over the country about what it’s like to be in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR). Their answers gave me hope and encouraged me to continue to persevere with my relationship, and I hope it does the same for you.
Victoria & Henry*
Meet Victoria, a freshman Cinema Major here at VCU. She and her boyfriend, Henry* (Name has been changed), have been together for a year and a half.
How did you meet?
At Mega Convention in Orlando, Florida
How far apart you are you?
I live in Richmond VA, he lives in Tampa, FL
How do you keep the romance going in a relationship where you’re separated for long periods of time?
We make sure to talk to each other every day, even if either of us is really busy. We tell each other everything that’s going on in our lives. We often watch movies and TV shows together. If there’s a movie in the theatre that we both want to see, we wait until we see each other next so that we can go to the theatre together.
What do you use to stay in touch?
We primarily use Skype for video chatting, and we just use iMessage on our phones to talk to each other throughout the day.
What do your friends and family think about your LDR? Are they supportive?
Our families are the most supportive of our LDR. My dad lives in Asia and my mom lives in South Florida, so when I go back to Tampa to see him I stay with his family.
My parents are really supportive of the strength of our relationship, and his parents are extremely generous and caring towards us. My best friends are all very supportive of our relationship and they understand why we’re still together even though we’re so far apart.
How do you and your boyfriend handle arguments and fights? What do you fight about the most?
When we get into fights, we usually fight until we’ve settled the argument and then make up with each other. We don’t often get into long-lasting fights. When we do fight, most of the time it’s about how one of us doesn’t like the way we’re treating the other, we fight to resolve the issue.
What is the most important thing in a LDR and why?
The most important thing in a LDR is communication and making time for communication. You need to make up for the time that you won’t be seeing each other. If you don’t communicate with your significant other, then cracks in the relationship start to appear.
Do you think being in a LDR is worth it?
I definitely think it’s worth it. If you find someone you want to be with and you don’t want to lose, you don’t have to leave him or her just because of geography. I’ve found someone whom I love and I don’t want to lose, and there was no doubt in my mind when I decided to move to Virginia that I would want to continue my relationship.
What’s the best thing about being in a LDR? What’s the worst thing?
The best thing about being in a LDR is you’re forced to have personal space and hang out with friends. That may sound odd, but when you’re around you significant other every day, it’s hard to get that personal space and time with friends, that is healthy in a relationship. On the other hand, the worst thing is not being able to see them every day!
Are you and your boyfriend doing anything special for Valentine’s Day?
My boyfriend is coming up from Florida to come visit me for Valentine’s Day, which is also the first time he’ll visit me since I moved to Virginia. We got each other small gifts and are going out to have a fancy dinner with each other.
When is the next time you will see your boyfriend? Any special plans for that reunion?
Besides Valentine’s Day, I’ll be seeing him again in early March for spring break. We don’t have anything special planned yet.
Any advice for others in your situation?
Communicate with each other, don’t hide things from each other, love each other, and don’t cheat!
Victoria’s Final Remarks:
Because of our strong LDR, we’re continuing to grow together. However, the only reason I could see us breaking up over is if we eventually naturally grow into two different people.
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Melissa & Raymond
Meet Melissa, a senior at Argosy University in Hawaii. She’s completing her Bachelor’s of Science with a concentration in Human Resources. She and her boyfriend Raymond have been together on and off for almost four years.
Describe your relationship with your boyfriend.
It’s very, very, complicated. It’s my first relationship ever so, it’s so hard to give up and let him go. I love him very dearly, but I’m unsure if there is a future with us.
How did you meet?
We met in the theater program at Leeward Community College.
How far apart you are you?
He lives in California, and I am here in Hawai’i.
How do you keep the romance going in a relationship where you’re separated for long periods of time?
Technology!!! Phone calls, text messages, Snapchat, Skype! And of course my favorite traditional mail :)
What do you use to stay in touch?
Skype and Snapchat mainly.
What do your friends and family think about your LDR? Are they supportive or do they not seem to understand?
They never understood my relationship when we were living in the same state, they don’t get it now. They are however 100% supportive of me and my decisions.
How do you and your significant other handle arguments and fights? What do you fight about the most?
Handle? Hah. They don’t get handled. I yell and scream and he listens until I’m done, only until I say it’s done and over, is it really done and over. When we do argue on the phone now, I usually just hang up and text him when it’s okay for him to call me back.
We fight mostly about him not attending school or doing much with his life. Now that he finally left Hawai’i the fights aren’t that bad because he is finally pursuing his dreams.
What’s the best thing about being in a LDR? What’s the worst thing?
Best: We don’t have to see each other everyday which reduces the amount of fights we have and also allows us to focus on our goals more.
Worst: I truly miss just being able to call him to come over to just hang out.
Are you and your significant other doing anything special for Valentine’s Day? Nothing special really, I have plans with a few of my friends to have dinner and he with his. To celebrate we are sending each other packages with gifts.
When is the next time you will see your significant other? Any special plans for that reunion?
In June for my graduation. As for special plans, that’s all him, he better have something special planned :)
Any advice for others in your situation?
Make the best of it, some days are easier than others but you must enjoy the time you have to get to know each other on another level. Also, if you cannot trust the person do not waste your time. There’s obviously a reason you do not trust them in the first place, save yourself some heartache and end it.
Melissa’s Final Remarks:
Distance truly does make the heart grow fonder!
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Abigail & Marcus
Meet Abigail, a Junior at the College of the Sequioas in California, majoring in Nutritional Science. She and her husband Marcus dated on and off for about three years before getting married last year on December 20th.
Describe your relationship with your husband.
It is a loving, caring, goofy, sometimes difficult, but always close knit, relationship.
How did you meet?
We went to the same Junior College. He was on the football team and I ran on the track team and had shared practices, and then his best friend introduced us after many corny ‘walk away stares’.
How long have you been dating?
We dated for about 3 years (on and off) before we got married, and we’ve been married for 1 month and 20 days.
How far apart you are you?
When we were dating, I lived in Riverside and he lived in Lake Elsinore. Those two cities are 28 miles apart. Once we were engaged he was in Illinois for two months for boot camp and then in San Antonio for six months. Now he’s in San Diego for two months for more training. So aside from when he was in different states he’s always been 1-2.5 hrs away.
How do you keep the romance going in a relationship where you’re separated for long periods of time?
It’s hard but we make it an effort to talk everyday, even if it’s for a little bit. We’ll flirt with each other and we’ll do little things like send each other cute text messages and pictures. When we do see each other we always make it a priority to spend time to just talk about anything and everything to catch up.
What do you use to stay in touch?
We use most social networks: Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. We also text but we prefer calling over texting, it’s nice to hear each others voice when you’ve been separated for so long.
What do your friends and family think about your LDR? Are they supportive?
Both our parents have been extremely supportive. My parents actually flew me out to Illinois to see his graduation and his mom let me stay with her in the hotel.
How do you and your husband handle arguments and fights? What do you fight about the most?
We talk things out, if we can’t talk it out we go and cool off for a little bit and then we readdress the subject before the day is done. Before we were married we fought over the dumbest stuff like jealousy. Now whenever we do argue it’s over scheduling conflicts.
What is the most important thing in a LDR and why?
Communication and trust. Communication is the main thing because when there is great communication, then there is trust.
Do you think being in a LDR is worth it?
To be completely honest I really wouldn’t be in a LDR if it weren’t with Marcus, because it’s really hard and really mentally and emotionally taxing. He’s worth it, and our marriage is worth it.
What’s the best thing about being in a LDR? What’s the worst thing?
The best thing would be the appreciation, seriously being apart all the time makes you appreciate the little things like seeing them for just a day or talking to them for just an hour, all the cute texts even the plain ones that just say “Hey babe you’re beautiful”.
The worst thing is the distance. Being in an LDR is extremely lonely and when you’re lonely you notice all the couples and all the cute things going on in the world that you miss out on cause your significant other is away.
Are you and your husband doing anything special for Valentine’s Day?
Nothing on Valentines Day, because he’ll be at Camp Pendleton but that weekend he’s going to be home and he has a surprise planned.
When is the next time you will see your husband?
I see him on weekends, either he gets to come home or I drive down to San Diego to spend the day with him.
Any advice for others in your situation?
Just be patient even if it doesn’t feel like its temporary, it is, or as the fellow hopeless romantics say, “The longer the wait, the sweeter the kiss”.
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Lauren & Ryan
Meet Lauren, a Senior at The University of Southern Mississippi majoring in Criminal Justice. She and her boyfriend Ryan, who attends Mississippi State have been dating for one year.
How did you meet?
We were in ROTC together our freshmen year.
How far apart you are you?
3 hours away during the school year and outside of that we’re 15 hours apart.
How do you keep the romance going in a relationship where you’re separated for long periods of time?
We send sappy text messages to gross each other out. So we’ll be like “Ew, we’re dorks, I love us.” Just like that. It’s fantastic.
What do you use to stay in touch?
We text and skype most of the time. If we both have to study then we’ll have Skype study dates.
What do your friends and family think about your LDR? Are they supportive?
My friends knew Shull before we started dating so they’re happy we finally dated. My family has met him but I talk about him enough that they want to meet him. They are super supportive.
How do you and your significant other handle arguments and fights?
We don’t argue about anything. Sorry.
What is the most important thing in a LDR and why?
Communication! Communication builds trust and that really gives a stable foundation for the rest of the relationship. Especially, when you aren’t with them all of the time.
Do you think being in a LDR is worth it?
It depends on the situation. If you really want to take a chance on the person then of course it is worth it. You don’t want to be wondering if you’re letting someone get away just because you won’t be able to be with them as much as you would like to be.
What’s the best thing about being in a LDR? What’s the worst thing?
When you are together you appreciate every second. When everyone is coupled up and you’re like “I have a S/O but they’re just far.”
Are you and your significant other doing anything special for Valentine’s Day? What are you doing to celebrate?
He’s actually coming down to see me for it. I don’t know what he has planned but I’ve got some really cute stuff planned.
Any advice for others in your situation?
Find stuff that you can do together often while you’re apart. I play video games with my boyfriend and I really love it.
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Sarah & Ryan
Meet Sarah, a first year graduate student majoring in Earth Science at Rice University. She and her boyfriend Ryan have been dating for exactly six and a half years on this Valentine’s Day.
Describe your relationship:
Our relationship is enduring and strong. Filled with lots of love and forgiveness, coupled with a significant amount of understanding and desire to help and support.
How did you meet?
We met in a high school computer class. I was one of three girls so I was pretty easy to pick out of that crowd. We really started to get to know each other after a friend made a point to introduce us and get us to talk. We had so many mutual friends it was funny we hadn’t talked much before that point.
How far apart you are you?
Currently we’re about 200 miles apart, but we’ve been long distance for all but one year of dating (the very first year). The farthest we’ve been apart is about 8000 miles as the crow flies and 12 hours time difference (during daylight savings) from Italy to Hawaii. I was in Italy and he was home in Hawaii.
How do you keep the romance going in a relationship where you’re separated for long periods of time?
We talk a lot and make a point to ask not how our days were but what we liked about our days; the difference in wording takes a conversation from a one word answer to the start of a story. We also watch YouTube videos with the Google hangouts app and try to go on “date nights” where we’ll buy each other dinner.
What do you use to stay in touch?
We used to email and instant message using AIM more than anything but we’ve kind of evolved. We try to talk more on the phone now and we really like Google hangouts on the computer and on our phones. There’s lots of features on Google+ hangout like quizzes and games that make talking via computer more like hanging out.
What do your friends and family think about your LDR? Are they supportive?
My family has obviously had quite a bit of time to adjust; they’re very supportive. My friends initially are taken aback about how long we’ve been doing the long distance thing but they are generally very supportive.
Once when we went out recently, I was really touched when a friend backed me up after a guy insisted that my boyfriend “wouldn’t have to know” if I went on a date with him. It makes things a lot easier on a daily basis to have friends who care about hearing about Ryan even if he isn’t around every time we go out.
How do you and your significant other handle arguments and fights?
We’re generally very honest and forward when it comes to arguments. An angry honest conversation is often better than the alternative, because it is a move to change the situation and make it better for both of us. Usually we are fighting about miscommunication or a lack of communication.
What is the most important thing in a LDR?
The most important thing in a long distance relationship is definitely the initiative to communicate. Wanting to talk is really really important, at least in my relationship, because it shows interest in the other person and a desire to include them in daily interaction.
Do you think being in a LDR is worth it?
This is a hard question. I wouldn’t recommend it if it isn’t necessary, but I feel like a good relationship shouldn’t have to end just because you are far apart. I would recommend being in a LDR if it is necessary logistically but never just for fun. It’s stressful and frustrating on so many levels. At some points you feel like you’re in a relationship with your computer. This video sums it up pretty well for me:
What’s the best thing about being in a LDR? What’s the worst thing?
The best thing about being in a long distance relationship is that you really get to develop your independence.
The worst thing is definitely when the internet speeds are very slow or we are too busy to have a full conversation, but really probably the internet thing. Slow internet is worse than no internet because slow internet gives you hope and then crushes it.
Are you and your boyfriend doing anything special for Valentine’s Day?
We’re actually close enough this year that Ryan can drive down since he has a long weekend! We’ll probably go out to dinner and then eat some ice cream and watch episodes of “The West Wing.”
Valentines Day is actually our 6.5 year anniversary and since he might be deployed during our actual anniversary/both of our birthdays we might have an early celebration. There are some baby animals at our zoo we want to go see. In short, we don’t usually make elaborate plans. We usually talk for a little bit and eat some ice cream. We’re big ice cream people.
When is the next time you will see your boyfriend? Any special plans for that reunion?
I’ll get to see him Friday! Since we’ve gotten to see each other a little more regularly (1-3 times a month) we don’t make too many special plans but we used to make lists of things we wanted to do and take turns picking activities off of the other person’s list!
Any advice for others in your situation?
Google hangouts makes life wonderful. Talk about specific things and have discussions. Be patient. And be honest. If anything, be honest. With so much distance in between the two of you have to be able to trust each other so if nothing else you have to be honest; otherwise it just falls apart.
Sarah’s Final Remarks
Sometimes when you meet up again it’s awkward but eventually it gets easier and you fall back into the groove of things. You just need some time to regulate and adjust.