I’m not going to talk about how you need to “do you.” I’m here to talk about 2 words:
I’m sorry.
Sorry, that you opened the door and I happened to be there at the same time. Sorry, that I have a question about something new I’m learning. Sorry, that you can’t hear me. Sorry, that I have to pee. Sorry, I’m taking up too much space.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
“I’m sorry,” in it’s proper use, is hard to say. I’m sorry I haven’t spoken to you in a few weeks. I’m sorry that I let my anger override my compassion. I’m sorry I didn’t let you know what my needs and wants were.
We need to apologize for what we do, not for who we are. The former indicates that the behavior will change, and we will be better for it; the latter simply dismisses our ability to change who we decide to be. Apologizing and admitting your guilt for being who you are only increases the shame you feel for your actions long after they have passed.
According to Brene Brown, this shame only fuels a garden-variety of emotional defense mechanisms like numbing, perfectionism, and foreboding joy. There are a lot of things we say sorry for, when we really need to say something else — like thank you.
Thank you for reading this post. Thank you for showing up to my party, even if you had a million other things to do and you were running late. Thank you for being patient with me while I learn.
Because thank you trumps sorry any day.