In a world where we are told to put ourselves first, be ourselves, and love ourselves, it can be easy to get persuaded that self-love is easy. Or regimented. I just have to go work out, write in a journal, and write inspiring messages on the mirror in lipstick — then I’m good to go. Right?
Wrong.
Self-love asks that you look in the places of your life that you don’t know how you can ever love. For me, that’s acne, a sub-3.0 GPA, and trouble communicating with people I love. Every weakness has a strength, just as every strength has a weakness — so don’t get to caught up in labeling your goods-and-bads as permanent fixtures in your personality. “I’m not a runner” can turn into “I just ran a mile straight. I can be a runner yet” faster than you think.
Self-love asks that you see yourself as an ever-changing human with a fixed past. You can’t change it — but you can change yourself. You’ll feel the resistance of acts done a thousand times in the same way — grabbing a soda after class to destress, scrolling through Facebook instead of taking the nap you need, going out with acquaintances instead of being alone or calling your mom (always).
Self-love asks that you practice self-respect. In those last 5 minutes of a grueling workout, I see some of my students start to give up. “When stuff gets rough, believing you can is a sign of self-respect.” It’s easy to believe in yourself when the outcome is known, when success is near, when you’ve got enough time/energy/money to make it happen. It’s when the challenges pile up, you’ve had one too many of “those days” or messed up one too many times to feel like you can barely do one more thing for yourself, that you have to dig deep and say — I believe in myself enough to do something that shows myself the same respect that I would to a friend.
Foster the longest relationship that you will every have — with yourself.
“Loving yourself means taking an active approach to self kindness. It means making a choice every day to look at the mirror and say something beautiful to yourself. As if you were speaking to your best friend. Because ultimately, you should be just that, your own best friend.”
– Yvette P., Creator of The Mommy Confessionals