Boy meets girl. Girl likes boy. Boy likes girl. Now what?
Well, if you’re a Vandy girl, you know that usually, that’s about it. No more dates, and definitely no DTR-ing. Relationships are just not realistic at our school. And coming from a relationship-intensive high school, this came as quite a shock to me. Where I’m from, hook-ups didn’t happen, and to be quite honest, I kinda liked it that way. If that’s your thing, then party on. However, if like me, you’re more of a relationship type, keep reading.
My boyfriend and I officially met at Vandy in early November, when a few mutual friendships placed us in the same party at Towers. We instantly connected and started bonding over a mutual passion: R&B music. Of course, according to Vandy norms, we both knew that a relationship was unlikely, so we exchanged numbers but played under the terms of being “best friends.” Pretty soon we were hanging out every day, and I couldn’t get enough. Luckily, he also proved to be a “relationship type,” and he officially asked me out about a month later.
We’re both busy people (what Vandy girl isn’t?) but somehow, between his Melodore rehearsals and Blair concerts, and my HerCampus writing and mock trial lawyering, we manage to have a seriously happy relationship. This makes me think about the validity of the whole “I can’t date, I’m in college” thing – if it’s so impossible, how are we handling it so well? I’ve definitely been less stressed out and much happier since we’ve been dating. So, why is dating at Vandy so taboo?
I don’t know who is responsible for them, but someone somewhere created myths about college dating that I would like to debunk. There is a chance that I’m totally the exception, and that the rules exist for a reason, but go with me here. All I’m saying is that if you like someone, and they like you, you can have a happy relationship in college without missing out on the “college experience”.
COLLEGE DATING MYTH #1: You can’t go out if you have a boyfriend.
FALSE. Okay, so for his sanity and yours, you probably won’t be going to frats with your girls and hooking up with whomever your drunk goggles tell you is cute. However, going out with a boyfriend is seriously just as much fun if not more!
I have never had more fun going out than I have had with my boyfriend. I have always been especially paranoid about not being safe in groups of just girls, but going out with him means I have a built-in safety net. It means I don’t have to worry about creepy guys hitting on me, it means that I have someone to hold my Commodore Card, and it means that I have someone to take care of me if I ever feel unsafe. Beyond the serious stuff though, we have so much fun together! Every night is an adventure built upon the last one. We have done everything from seeing symphony concerts to dancing to Michael Buble all night (yes really) to going for a casual stroll all the way around campus, ending (naturally) in Qdoba. Neither of us went Greek so we don’t usually go to frats, but if we did, I know we’d have more sexy fun than everyone combined! And if you feel like just going out with the girls, as long as you establish trust (and have a cell phone connection), there aren’t any problems.
COLLEGE DATING MYTH #2: You can’t balance friend time with boyfriend time.
DEPENDS. In my first semester at Vanderbilt, I struggled to find a solid group of friends like the ones I had in high school. When I met Justin, I found what I had been looking for all along. He is my best friend, and I love spending time with him more than anything. However, there are days where I just need some girl time, and Justin needs some Melolove, and we have learned to understand and respect that. In a new relationship, it may be hard to get away, but you’ll be grateful that you kept your close friendships down the road! At least once a week, take time to reconnect with your girls. The reason I say ‘depends’ is that I know I struggle with this – as much as I love my girlfriends, I tend to put my boyfriend above them, because his schedule is so busy and I rarely see him during the day. Here are some tips I’ve discovered to help alleviate that struggle:
· Have lunch on a set day every week with your best girlfriends. It will give you an established time to catch up, so that you don’t have to have that awkward “I never see you anymore” convo.
· Also, reserve one activity strictly for friends. For me, this is working out. Although Justin and I both work out every day, I make work out time girl time and have dates with my friends in the gym, and he does his thing- this also keeps him from seeing my gross sweaty self!
· In general, have a social schedule you follow. I always get dinner with my friends on Wednesdays, for example. If you leave things up to choice you will probably end up spending more and more time with your boyfriend and less with your friends, regardless of how much you love them.
COLLEGE DATING MYTH #3: Your grades will suffer.
I don’t know about you ladies, but my most productive days are usually the days where my to-do list is entirely full. Last semester, before we started dating, I followed no study schedule, and my grades reflected it. Now, because I want to have time to see Justin, I follow a strict study plan which ensures that when he’s free at night, I usually am too. Lo and behold, I’ve had straight A’s so far. For me, having a boyfriend has kept me more disciplined with schoolwork. Also, don’t be afraid to study together. We’re in college, we have stuff to do, and sometimes taking a night off for a romantic dinner sounds more stressful than relaxing. The solution? Homework dates. As long as you can generally stay productive (headphones and public places help), this will be a huge asset to your relationship.
Moral of the story is, do what makes you happy and keeps you balanced. If you like a guy, don’t let silly Vandy norms keep you from starting a relationship. It is possible to maintain your work hard/play hard lifestyle with a partner in crime!