Why is it so hard for many of us (including myself) to do things for ourselves before we do for others? Maybe its because we are the women that sacrifice themselves for her family/friends and sometimes even their partner. “In terms of our relationships, women often feel they’re responsible for everything—which is not a complete misperception. We are the ones who usually lead the way. But somehow we get from there to the idea that the world won’t work if we don’t help it along.” – Harriette Cole. ”
As a woman we tend to fall into the pattern of serving the people we love before we serve ourselves. It becomes a problem when we start to constantly put others above ourselves. Personally, I struggle with this a lot. I am the friend/ type of person that will give their last $5.00 to someone or will go the extra mile just to make sure that their friend is okay. It’s a problem when you don’t do the same for yourself. When you are consistently putting all your energy into doing for those around you, you tend to use up the energy that you have for yourself. There is a big difference that we ignore between being selfish and recognizing that you are just as important as anyone else. Always making yourself a top priority, arising from concern with one’s own welfare or advantage in disregard of those around you is selfish. But taking the time and effort to treat yourself well, and putting your energy into keeping yourself happy is not selfish… it is actually very important to your health and well being.
I am known for always putting others ahead of myself and people sometimes come to me and expect the attention that I lavished on them. I am the “caretaker” that puts everyone else first. I almost certainly have a huge problem with saying no, its just not in my bones to say no to people. Sometimes I may secretly get angry with the person for making demands and ask myself “Why do they always ask ME?” or I may get upset with myself and think “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I say no? Why do I always help others?” but in the end, I usually do say yes, whether I actually want to or not. It feels almost selfish to say no.
Maybe you are like me and you are always putting others on a higher level than yourself. It’s time that we start to give our own desires and goals priority. Think of it like this – to be helpful to others you first need to be the best you can be and be helpful to yourself. If you are always running around trying to make others happy and you never take the time to focus on your own responsibilities, goals, and aspirations, you may suffer. We have to remember that it’s OK to take some time out for yourself every now and then. Give yourself a break and focus on your own needs. What are your body and your mind telling you? Sometimes we just need to block out things for a bit and listen to our inner selves.