How to Successfully Date An Older Guy
Age ain’t nothing but a number! Yet age differences in your significant other (S.O.) can get in the way of your friendships, goals and daily life.
It can be hard to mention to your friends that you are dating an older guy and even harder to accept why, and I get it. Mentioning to anyone that you are dating a guy who is almost ten years older than you usually makes a room tense. Then the usual questions of, “Are you into older guys?”, come flying at you.
But to the girls that don’t mind dating outside their age range and see it as an opportunity to fall in love and grow with someone, here are a few tips and suggestions into successfully dating an older guy.
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Acknowledge that there will be differences.
It took me a while to grasp this concept. It’s not like my S.O. is way older than me, but there are noticeable differences in who we are and what we want. I can say that it is a bit easier to date someone in your age group. You can easily connect with them through similar ideals (even memes) or social media because you both were raised in similar times and ways. However, when you are dealing with someone who is a few years ahead of you, sure they can understand memes, but they are nonetheless different.
For example, my boyfriend is in a different head space than I am. He sees the world one way, and I see it another. He has goals that are far out of sight from mine and sometimes completely different. I’m not saying that when you date an older guy that you guys won’t have any similarities, but there will be noticeable differences. Embrace them! Don’t run because he is setting goals in the far off future; a future you aren’t even thinking about. If your S.O. is setting goals, you don’t have to be pressured to fit yourself in them, set goals of your own!
Dating is all about opening up to someone in a more romantic, emotional, and trusting way. If you feel that your S.O. is putting unrealistic expectations on you then maybe try compromising, but not to the point where you are the only one compromising. Understand that you are equally important/valuable in the relationship as well. When you are in a relationship with an older S.O., the pressures to act more mature or more “adultlike” can be sitting uncomfortably on your shoulders. Be yourself! You don’t want to sell yourself short, or become a false projection to someone who trusts you. They are with you because they want to know you, so show them who you are!
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Speak Up and Out.
Try to seek clarity in your relationships. If something is bothering you, speak up to your S.O. and tell them what is going on. Dating an older S.O. isn’t to much different from dating someone the same age as you. You can speak up. No one has to feel shamed for being childish or immature.
Don’t accept being played, especially if you don’t like playing games! Communicate with your older S.O. and tell them what you are thinking and feeling. If you think you guys are moving to fast (or too slow) then sit down and talk with them.
A lot of women with older S.O.’s feel pressured to accept things they don’t believe in because they are scared of being rejected. First of all, be yourself and stand with your beliefs. And second, remember that just because they are older than you it doesn’t mean everything they do is right.
Articulating who you are and what you want to your S.O. is exactly what strong relationships are all about. It shows maturity, confidence, and an effort to building a strong relationship.
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Don’t be Afraid
It truly is a learning curve! The challenge in understanding the things an older S.O. may mention, think, and want is something I’ve look forward to in learning about. Being in a relationship with an older guy can easily be a situation where one is the student and the other a teacher. There are similarities that can be built on and differences that can be compromised. At the end of the day, we engage in relationships to be understood. Dating in general no matter a S.O.’s age is a fun, scary, and trusting experience. Don’t be afraid to jump in and try it out. You will certainly surprise yourself. Don’t be afraid to stumble and seek help from your S.O.. In the end, you’ll both most likely stumble and help each other an fair number of times. It is okay to ask questions! You’re inquiring because you ultimately care about them.