This Friday, April 8th, UVA will say goodbye to one of its favorite bachelors. That’s right, as I know you’ve all heard (or stalked online), Anthony Gill’s wedding is coming up. Number 13 on the court but Number 1 in our hearts, Anthony Gill is a forward on the UVA basketball team and is usually seen pal-ing around with teammates London Perrantes and Malcolm Brogdon on the court, destroying all other teams’ dreams of winning. We would like to wish Anthony and his wife Jenna the most smiles, happiness, and crazy-uncle dance moves for their big day and their marriage! That being said, that doesn’t mean that a few of us haven’t given up on our dreams to be in attendance at said ceremony. Below is comprehensive list of all the ways to possibly find yourself in the background of their beautiful photos, enjoying the wedding in person.
1. The night before, cut all of the cords to any electrical equipment in the chapel. The next day dress-up as an electrician and break in/attempt to fix all of the damage you made. It might be helpful if you have your crush be your accomplice, because then they can double as your date.
2. Show up with a potential spouse at the same time and location as Anthony Gill’s wedding and cry. No one likes to see an adult cry. This will guilt him into inviting you since he overtook your wedding time.
3. Ride in on Heelys. No one can turn away someone on Heelys.
4. Hide yourself in their wedding cake. When they go to cut it, SURPRISE! IT’S A WEDDING INTRUDER!
5. Leave your iPhone in the chapel the day before the wedding and FaceTime yourself on the big day so you can be in on all of the action.
6. When Anthony Gill spins his new wife in their first dance, quickly insert yourself in her place and hope he doesn’t notice.
7. Get really amazingly good at basketball and woo any of his ballin’ groomsmen (Darius Thompson, London Perrantes, Devon Hall, or Malcolm Brogdon) and score a date to the wedding. Make sure you know the difference between zone and man-to-man defense and lay-ups and three-pointers.
8. Create your own custom hashtag to compete with #GillTheEndOfTime and slowly but surely begin to dominate all forms of social media until Ellen DeGeneres finds it and gets you an invite to the big day.
9. Get ordained and become their priest. Duh.
10. In classic-UVA style, streak into the wedding. It’s only tradition.