“Toxic: Capable of causing serious harm to a person’s health and well-being.”
We all come face to face with a toxic person at some point in our life. Sometimes it’s a friend, sometimes it’s a significant other, and sometimes you can get unlucky enough that it’s a family member. While on the surface, you might say that dealing with these people isn’t such a big deal, but at the end of the day, toxic people can drag you down mentally and emotionally, which in turn, can affect you physically. Overall, this adds only more stress and turmoil to your life.
What are some toxic behaviors you should keep an eye out for in people?
1. Manipulate (verb) – control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously.
While picking out manipulation can sometimes be easy, sometimes it can be difficult, too. Manipulation is a favorite tool of toxic people. They like to make you feel guilty for your actions or feelings in order to get you act in their favor. For example, let’s say that you want to go hang out with some of your friends, but your boyfriend decides that’s not OK with him. So he begins to guilt trip you into staying home or saying that you would be better off at home. You feel bad, so you stay home. That’s definitely not fair to you, and that’s not equality at all. A more serious example would be using emotional manipulation, such as threatening to hurt themselves in order to get you to do what they want. Manipulation can be subtle or it can be outright blatant. Either way, it’s important to be aware.
2. Judgemental (adj.) – having or displaying an excessively critical point of view.
Harsh judgment is also a dead giveaway of a toxic person. While it’s one thing to give criticism constructively, it’s another to give criticism destructively. For example, if I don’t like my friend’s makeup, I can voice my concern and give suggestions for next time, but I’m not going to tell her that she looks absolutely hideous or that she shouldn’t be doing her makeup like that. If she wants to do her makeup like that, even if I don’t like it, so be it – it’s not my makeup! You are allowed to make your own decisions, and you are allowed to be secure in them. Don’t let another person tear you down by criticizing any aspect of what makes you, well, you.
3. Responsibility (noun) – the state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something.
Not taking responsibility for one’s actions is a toxic behavior through and through. If a person can’t be mature enough to be honest with themselves and you that they made a mistake or was in the wrong about something, do you really need that kind of negativity in your life? It’s likely they’re pointing fingers at everyone so long as it isn’t themselves. Don’t get caught up in the blame game, and don’t allow another person to blame you for his or her own faults or mistakes.
4. Inconsistent (adj.) – acting at variance with one’s own principles or former conduct.
We all know someone who’s a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. You never know what you’ll get from this person! Sometimes, they’ll be nice, sweet and the most caring person you know, and others, they’ll be distant, cold and standoffish, and maybe sometimes even a little mean. If someone can’t stay consistent, how are you ever supposed to know if they’re actually your friend or not? That’s right – you don’t. Save your breath and let that person go if they’re just stressing you out and making you be hypervigilant for fear of setting them off.
5. Unsupportive (adj.) – not providing encouragement or emotional help.
It’s one thing to be unsupportive if you’re doing something that your friend knows you shouldn’t be doing, but if you’re shooting for the stars and someone says that you’ll never make it that far, maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship with that person. If they really care about you, why would they be so unsupportive and disinterested with what you want to do with your life? If someone isn’t encouraging you to be your best and do the absolute best that you can and they’re tearing you down, it’s time to let them go. You’ll be better off without them.
While letting go of someone that is toxic can be extremely difficult, especially if they’re your best friend or mother/father, it is the most important thing that you can do for yourself. You need to put yourself and your needs before anyone else’s because at the end of the day, it’s all about what you want your life to be – not what someone else has pictured for you or what they think is best for you. Once you can discern the toxic people in your life, let go – let their toxic behaviors roll off your shoulders and move on with your life. After all, life’s too short to be pouring yourself out for other people that don’t really care.
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