Sexual orientation is a spectrum of attraction that does not stop at two points, it goes the full distance between the Earth and the Sun and all of the stars, planets, and everything in between. Sexual orientation can be really hard to fit into one label, and even harder to define when it comes to the combination of your sexuality and your relationship identity. There is no binary, it is a wave that is always moving, always traveling to different coasts. There is a beautiful fluidity about sexuality, or sexual orientation, that a lot of people do not talk about, though it is becoming more widely known and understood. Even still, it is assumed that if you identify one way, then that is how it has to be throughout your lifetime, even though the movements of the ocean and the orbits of planets are always in motion, they are always changing. In our society, it is widely accepted, respected, and practically assumed that all relationships are how those persons identify, even though the relationship status of a person does not define the person. And then when you ask how the individual person identifies, and they respond “bisexual,” it is assumed that person is not monogamous, they are promiscuous people who cannot commit to a monogamous and steady relationship.
I am bisexual. I am monogamous. I am a woman in a relationship with a man.
Bisexuality is the romantic attraction, platonic attraction, and/or sexual attraction to any and all sexes and/or genders. Bisexuality is fluid, it changes randomly from day to day, and with that comes a lot of myths that are created by misunderstanding and lack of representation. These myths come in all shapes and sizes, but from a personal narrative, telling people that I’m in a monogamous relationship with a male and having my relationship questioned because of my bisexuality is painful and insulting.
My sexuality does say a lot about me, it tells people that I am attracted to all genders and it gives me a community of others who identify similarly. It gives me an identity to be proud of and it helps me relate to people. I’m able to understand my attractions and love for everyone through this identity, and while a part of me is defined by this — it does not, however, define who I am within a relationship. I love my sexuality because of its fluidity. Unfortunately, the myths have created this stigma of hypersexualizing the bisexual identity because of its fluidity, because of its unknown. It can change randomly, and it really is like I’m riding a wave all the time. And at times, it is scary and confusing, but no matter if I find a girl or a guy attractive, I am still in a relationship. I still choose my significant other over anyone else, and my bisexuality doesn’t determine that. I am who I am, 100% and my bisexuality is merely a part of that. One of the most insulting and erasing parts of being bisexual is the assumption that these myths create who the bisexual person is without having known the individual.
Bisexuality does not assume polyamory, promiscuity, or someone merely desiring attention for whatever reason — it is an identity, that is personal and prideful, and should be equally represented among all identities. It is a label that I take to heart, my significant other is proud of, and that I yell to the sky for everyone to know.
I am bisexual, I am monogamous, I am a woman in a relationship with a man.