We’ve all heard of slut-shaming and for those of you that haven’t, it is the act of making someone feel inferior or guilty for engaging in sexual behaviors that deviate from traditional norms and expectations, usually applied to women instead of men. In society today, we’ve all pretty much come to an agreement that slut shaming is bad; it’s a gender biased because men hardly ever see the same prejudice and really, when it comes down to it, other people’s sex lives are none of our business. So shouldn’t the same respect be given to people who make any other decisions regarding their sexuality including remaining a virgin?
It seems like, in mainstream culture women feel like they have to tow a fine line in the middle of seeming like a “slut” or being a “prude”. Being too sexually active is a bad thing but not having sex in college is also frowned upon. “I feel like people treat me like I’m a child or really inexperienced.” Says *Sarah, a sophomore at the University of Utah. So how do we as women fit into this very particular mold societal norms have created for us? We don’t try to fit the mold at all. Not all of us will fit into it, and you can never please everyone so just worry about what you want. Do what makes you happy with your sexuality.
With this new focus on slut-shaming and not worrying about other people’s sex lives, why don’t those principles seem to apply to the people who choose to stay virgins. I’m writing this article as someone who’s chosen to stay a virgin in college and I feel like there’s a certain amount of judgment that I and many others receive for not sitting right in the middle of the “slut/prude spectrum”. Even people who may have had sex in the past but are choosing to abstain now find it difficult to fit in with the sexual expectations that are held in colleges today. “In high school, I felt a really big pressure to lose my virginity which led me to lower my standards. Now that I’m in college I want to wait for the right person,” Sarah said.
Many people choose not to have sex in college and for many different reasons. Some haven’t found the right person, some have religious reasons, and some have mental or physical health concerns regarding sex. Whatever the reason it’s really no one’s business. For those of you out there who are still virgins know that there are millions of others out there who are making the same decision.
The idea that everyone’s sex life is their own and not others to speculate on is great and I love that it’s finding it’s way into mainstream culture but we need to make sure we extend that same courtesy to everyone no matter what their sex life is like.