Girls do what they want,
guys do what they can.
Take it from somebody
who experienced it firsthand.
Suddenly I’m a slut and a liar
According to the rumors that started
So I became an attention whore
Luring men in all around
Giving them a flirtatious stare
Before sticking up my nose
Wearing the tiniest clothes
And breathing heavy and close
I thought I was so in control
I thought the power was mine
I thought i didn’t matter
Boy, was I fucking blind.
Suddenly I felt dirty.
Taking any chance I could
to wash my hands
Rid myself of the filth
Of what once was who i am.
Feeling like I’d caused injustice
And hating myself for it.
I covered up more now
Glared at any man staring at me
They all saw me as meat.
They all caused my hate.
Then suddenly I’m broken.
And the pain doesn’t end
I realize what’s happened to me
Falling apart and barley breathing
How could someone do this to me?
How could they against my will?
And I don’t hate you, I don’t.
I wish I did but i can’t even still.
I bang a fist against a wall
A fist with lines
Across the wrist
You made me lose my self-worth
with all of those lies you spread
After spreading my legs
and making me open up
Bruising my body
Calling the shots
Pushing yourself
Unwelcome
Unwanted
Telling you to stop
You didn’t end it
I said No.
Multiple times.
You tell me to wait,
I’ll like it this time
No I say again
You say I’m good in bed
No i try to say
and the words don’t escape
You don’t hesitate
You penetrate
You fill me with hate
I can’t concentrate
I drift far away
Two condoms on the floor
My bleeding uterus bleeding once more
“Did we just have sex?”
I can assure you, we didn’t
You did something to me
Without my consent.
Clothes on the floor
Wrappers on the ground
I did the walk of shame home
The “R word” was out of the question
“He’s not that kind of guy”
A friend assured
I can assure you
I don’t take her word.
You’re a coward. You’re a crook.
Let’s take a second look:
Wait it’s all a blur
I took too many shots
Is that me under the covers?
Is that me saying
“Stop!”
I am now a number.
Less of a person than before.
You took a piece of me with you
Two long years ago
I was date raped
By a guy at a Frat party
I spent an entire summer numb
From the alcohol
Consumption
I let my tears flow quietly
In bathroom stalls
I let my nerves get the best of me
I built wall after wall
I never got to shout
I never got to scream
I never told that coward
That I knew what he did to me
So now is my chance
To let the anger seep in
To take this moment
And just give in
I was a virgin!
I’d never been in love!
I pushed your hands away!
You gave me two more shots!
I woke up in your bed,
Exposed,
Vulnerable
You ripped into me TWICE
while I told you to stop
I had a tampon in
How do you think that felt?
When I dug it out,
And my cherry had been popped
And I made that memory
Instead of making love
My name DOES matter
So does every persons in this world.
With my name comes power
Yours does too
I won’t speak it, I’ll still keep you protected
Just know you’ve started a riot
My heart is full steam in this passionate movement
If you pity me
Stop.
If you feel sorry for me
Don’t.
Do you see me as broken?
Do you see me as damaged?
Cut that shit out.
I have an advantage.
I am strong.
I am tough.
I will never accept
what happened to me
I will always fight
for the boys and girls like me
But holy hell
Will I own up
To being strong.
For being tough.
I was a victim.
Now I am a Survivor.
So, you want to end this trend?
Yeah, #MeToo
Rape culture advocates for the rapist. I could have avoided my assault if I hadn’t drunk alcohol, if I hadn’t gone to a party, if I hadn’t worn a shoulder-bearing outfit, right? If I had just drank a little less, then maybe I wouldn’t have been raped. If I had stayed in that night, and every night, then no, I probably would have avoided it. But that isn’t realistic. I shouldn’t have to weigh the odds. I shouldn’t have to worry about it. I should be able to say “No” and be respected. Instead, he’s off graduating in his business and piano degrees. He’s off enjoying his bachelor life, and I’m left trying to learn how to enjoy my married one.
I have to advocate for the girl who couldn’t do it for herself before. I think about her tiny body, bruised and trying to make sense of what was happening. I think of her mind, completely delusional and saying “No” as best she could. I think of her hands wanting to push him away. I think of her tears and scars. And I think, “I have to be there for her for the rest of my life.” I can’t be a bystander. I can’t allow this problem to escalate. I hope you think of her, and think “Me too,” when I say I’m going to end sexual assault. There should be more “me too’s” coming from those wanting to end sexual harassment and assault, not from those who experienced it.