Tips and Tricks for NAILING Graduation

It’s that season, fellow Utes. As we wrap up our last few finals and book our permanent spot in the world of real adulthood, there’s one thing on our seniors’ minds: am I going to fall on my face in front of the entire commencement ceremony? While I can’t promise you that you won't fall on your face, nor can I guarantee you won't accidentally offer the wrong hand to the dean for the handshake they will inevitably give you, I can offer some tips and tricks for making the day go as smoothly as possible.

  1. It is completely acceptable to only style the portions of your hair that will be sticking out of your cap. No one but your family, the people who are contractually obligated to love you anyway, will be seeing your scalp at any point during the festivities.

  2. You can literally wear anything underneath that gown, and no one will even know. Anything above the hemline of that unflattering mass of satin is totally our secret.

  3. Actually pay attention to the speech. That speech is the last bit of unsolicited advice anyone will give you before you are officially a member of the rat race. It might be boring, but hey, you've earned the right to sit in a lecture you're not being tested on at the end.

  4. Unless you are well-versed in the art of wearing high heels, you should probably skip them. That is how you are going to end up on your face. I can guarantee no one cares about your footwear, guys.

  5. Enjoy every last second of it. You didn’t pay half the gross domestic product of a small country only to forget to savor the ceremony they’re putting on to celebrate you and your accomplishments.

Congratulations, Utes.

And for everyone else who will be back again in the fall: enjoy your summer!

Alli Milne is a very loud, very sarcastic and very old soul that was put into the body of a very out-of-shape librarian that looks great in a sweater. Seriously. She never met a sweater she didn't like. She is obsessed with autumn and also books. Oh, she also goes to the University of Utah. It has bad coffee.

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