It’s like when your first period comes and it doesn’t really matter how many “Growing and Changing” pamphlets you got in health class, you still think you’re going to hemorrhage and die. Or when you kiss someone for the first time and it doesn’t matter how many Judy Blume novels you read in junior high, you still don’t have the slightest idea how two pubescent teenagers with acne and braces smushing their faces together is supposed to be a symbol of your undying “devotion.”
The same goes for moving out. I read every website, budget planner, Yahoo! Answers and poorly written blog post I could find. I thought I was so ready. I was wrong.
The real problem is, these websites and blog posts only show you how to be an adult when you’re dealing with budgets and how to be your own handyman and what to do with that dollar tofu you got on sale at the grocery store. They don’t factor in what it’s like to live with real actual people.
They don’t tell you how to deal with your mistakes, and believe me, there will be mistakes.
Allow me to share some experience with you, so you don’t have to start from square one.
Problem #1: Groceries
Whose coffee creamer is whose? Did you pay for groceries last week or did I? Did you and your boyfriend eat my frozen pizza?
Such is the chorus of three girls who haven’t taken the time to make ground rules for shared spaces. With a bit of communication and a whole lot of color-coded sticky notes, you can eat your own frozen pizza without any altercation.
If it’s something you bought for yourself, stick your color of sticky note on it and make it clear that you intended to eat it. If it’s something bought for the group, go without the sticky, but politely ask if they’ll save you some.
Problem #2: But I Did the Dishes Last Night
Repeat after me: Chore charts are your best friend. If everyone has a set day that they were supposed to clean the kitchen, or take out the trash, or wipe down the bathroom, then no one can fight with you about whose turn it actually was to accomplish those chores when they didn’t get done. Having things set in writing reduces fights and creates a sense of responsibility among everyone in the house.
Problem #3: Bobby Kept Me Awake
Sometimes, our roommates have different priorities than we do. While one of us is planning to go to bed at 8:00 pm so we can make it to calculus on time in the morning, the other wants to take the dark hours as an opportunity to flesh out her… social calendar.
Please remember that no matter how peeved you are or how much you don’t like the guy – let’s call him Bobby – she’s bringing over, there is a right way and a wrong way to deal with it.
The wrong way is turning on children’s programming really loudly and singing Taylor Swift from the kitchen while you bang wooden spoons on pans because if they won’t let you sleep, you’ll be damned if you let them sleep. Trust me. I know this from experience.
The right way is to sit your roommate down and let them know that you don’t mind if Bobby comes over, so long as she lets him in quietly and turns on some music in her room so you don’t overhear anything. That way, everyone accomplishes what they wanted to, and no one gets murderously angry with you at 4:00 A.M. over PBS Kids.
Problem #4: Synced-up Shark Week
If you thought just having one person in the house taking part in Shark Week was rough, wait until you have three girls yelling about how much they hate men and Bella Thorne and each other while they lay on the couch with hot water bottles pressed to their abdomens.
Before you inevitably sync up with all of your roommates, it’s generally best to talk with them about how you plan on handling everything. If one of you is the angry type, warn your roommates that they shouldn’t take anything personally during that week. If one of you gets overly emotional, let your roommates know that it’s nothing a little hot cocoa can’t fix. If everyone knows how everyone else works beforehand, it’s a lot less stressful once it’s actually happening.
Problem #5: You Stretched My Sweater
Three girls with a similar taste in style living in the same house sounds like a dream come true. It’s like tripling the size of your closet instantly—and for free!
Only, the likelihood of these three girls having the same body type is next to impossible. Cut it to one with larger boobs borrowing the petite ones’ sweater without permission and chaos ensues.
Before this becomes you, take some time to talk about ground rules with your roommates. For instance, you can borrow my sweater but only if you ask my permission first. Or, if I didn’t have plans to wear it already. With a bit of communication, some of the biggest catastrophes of the day can be avoided.
Problem #6: Please Remember I Still Love You
Sometimes, you just have to take a day to remind yourself and your roommates that you actually were friends before you started locking yourself in your room with the bag of Doritos you don’t want anyone else to eat and stealing tampons from the other bathroom without permission.
Set aside a day where you and your roommates can only spend time with each other. Make some nachos, plug in a chick flick, catch up on what’s happening in everyone’s work schedules or relationships. Try to reset the clock on the feelings of aggression from stretched out sweaters, stolen cookies and half-drank cups of lukewarm coffee and just spend some time as girls with no adult responsibilities, just each other.
Hopefully now you feel a little bit more prepared. It’s an adventure for sure, and way better than your first kiss.