I’m the “That’s what she said” joke queen. Some of my closest friends and favorite people are gay. I’m politically liberal-minded and may have an extra piercing or two in my ears (sorry, Mom and Dad!) I also don’t drink coffee, I go to church on Sundays – yep, the full three hours – and I read The Book of Mormon on a daily basis in my room next to a giant Buddha tapestry hanging on the wall. I am a California Mormon through and through.
Previous to making my move out to Utah’s snowy mountain tops, I spent much time extensively arguing in defense of the “World’s greatest snow on earth!” underdog. My classmates, most of whom were from all religious backgrounds or none at all, continuously warned me of this daunting “bubble.” I argued that people are people and to let them live the way they want. I still believe that. However, I understood this so-called “bubble” within my first week of attending the U.
Because of the way I grew up, i.e. my closest friends tended to be Catholics or atheists, I naturally click with people of a non-LDS background. So my first group of college friends were all atheists, which honestly, I didn’t even know about until they brought that information to the table. I didn’t think to ask them their religious affiliation in the first place. But a question weighing on their minds when first meeting me was “Is she a Mormon or not?”
Let’s stop here. What is with that? Who cares if I’m a Mormon? So what if I’m a Jehovah’s Witness or a Born-Again-Christian? What’s with this burning desire to know what somebody’s religious practice is? A religious or non-religious label shouldn’t define you.
When I went to church in Utah, I found it very difficult to make friends. I felt more of a “churchy” culture instead of a gospel focused culture. When it came down to it, I didn’t feel like I fit in anywhere. I was made to feel as though I wasn’t Mormon enough to have Mormon friends and I was too Mormon to have non-LDS friends. I was caught right in the middle of this “Us VS Them” culture that made me dislike Utah an unreal amount.
I adore the people I have met in Utah. Adore. I have grown to love the seasons here and I no longer feel totally trapped by the snowy mountain tops surrounding me. However, I inadvertently changed myself to love Utah. I went from being what Buzzfeed deemed a “California Mormon” to a “Jack Mormon.” Again with labels. I hate them. People are people. We are all in college learning and growing and trying to figure our crap out. Labels are totally unnecessary in the university world because they are always changing. I felt like I had to become a label to fit into a box. I had two choices: Molly Mormon or Jack Mormon. Nobody can be defined by a label, and I hate knowing I fell into the trap of thinking that’s how I had to be.
The biggest complaint I heard from the anti-Mormon culture was that all Mormons are judgmental. Ok, ouch. I have heard horror stories of LDS bullies in Utah, causing non-members to flee at all costs. Once we hit this college age, though, I found that the members of the church grew out of that and felt far more judged by my non-member friends. I’m not going to wave off those experiences of being bullied, that is awful and an entirely different issue that breaks my heart. But at the same time: Why are you treating me the same way that brought you down? Y’all seem to know more about me than I do. “You’re a Mormon? Ah. You must love Ben Carson.” “You’re a Mormon? Ah. We could never talk religion because I’m an atheist.” “You’re a Mormon? What the ‘fuh are you doing at this party?” Ok, ouch again. Nah, I’m not a huge fan of Ben Carson. Actually, my first boyfriend was an atheist. Idk, my friend invited me and I live for meeting new people.
The Utah Bubble is not Mormons. It’s people of all shapes, sizes and religious affiliations being judgmental.
Okie-dokie. Enough about that side of the culture of Utah. Let’s get to the side more discussed in the Beehive State.
Click. Click. Click. No, I’m not tapping my nails passive-aggressively on a desk. I’m describing what singles ward is like. Why can’t we all be friends? Wasn’t Christ’s number 1 commandment to “Love one another?” Aren’t we taught that we are all brothers and sisters, in this together, etc. etc.? Why is it so difficult to break through clicks? And this is coming from a person with the mindset of a friendly labradoodle; I think everybody is my BFF. I’ve never had to fight this much to make my way into a circle of friends. Also, pop quiz on what being non-judgmental actually means: If you see a girl wearing a “short” skirt at church, what should your first thought be, if you are truly a non-judgmental person?
A) That’s an interesting choice for church, but I’m sure she’s a great person. She just has kind of longer legs, finding skirts that fit is probably hard.
B) Yikes. Slut. Also, you forgot to shave.
C) Ooh, purple. I want a purple skirt. Man, I hope I still have a frozen pizza left. I have a feeling this mingle is going to be nachos again.
If you picked answer “C,” then you are in the Judgment-Free Zone. Because in order to not judge a person, you shouldn’t really think anything based off of their short skirt or their Hello Kitty tattoo or their big cheesy “Happy Mormon” grin.
My one question for everybody comes from a 1975 song by the rock band, War. To put it simply: Why can’t we be friends?
College is a time to learn from people. It’s a time to branch out and discover everybody’s personal thoughts on “the meaning of life.” The only way to break out of the bubble is to get out of your comfort zone, into the judgment-free zone, and quit deciding somebody’s personality and thoughts before getting to know them.