There’s never a bad moment to celebrate your relationship, but Valentine’s season is a particularly special time of year. Not only do we show our loved one just how much we love them, but we reflect on how to best take care of them. Although every individual is different, encouraging the health of a relationship follows a general trend. Here are a few practical ways to strengthen the bond between you and your significant other:
1. Communicate.
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve rolled my eyes when someone vents to me about a problem they’re having with their boo, but they haven’t mentioned it at all to them. It drives me absolutely bonkers to know that people have needs and expect their partners to read their minds about them. Just… tell them? Lol? Being transparent with your S/O is absolutely crucial.
2. Encourage them to be independent.
As of late, I had an issue with what I thought was being clingy in relationships that I couldn’t quite articulate. It wasn’t until I listened to my favorite nerdy podcast, College Info Geek, that I realized that my past relationships SUCKED because the other person would act as though I couldn’t take care of myself on my own after acquiring a boo. In the podcast episode, Martin and Thomas focus on how they encourage their respective long-term girlfriends to be their own whole person outside of the relationship. The rationale behind this is that they don’t want their partners to secretly want to break up with them but not do so because they’re dependent on them — emotionally, financially, the whole shebang.
3. Support what makes them happy.
Unless they’re enjoy kicking puppies or something, be supportive! Sure, they may be way too into Game of Thrones, but hey, it makes them happy, let them pretend to be House Stork or whatever. It’s really that easy.
4. Allow your partner to have misgivings about you.
Nobody’s perfect. No, not even Beyonce. Cry me a river. So if your partner is miffed at you because you don’t clip your nails and end up scratching them every time you go in for the hug, don’t be MIFFED BACK. CLIP YA NAILS, BRUH. Plus, being idealized by your partner is the opposite of that cash money healthy relationship you want! If you’re placed on a pedestal, bae won’t empathize with you when you slip up.
5. Do not treat any part of them as inferior.
In Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink, love psychologist John Gottman said the number one reason why a couple would never last is contempt. I don’t care if you think their video game obsession is a waste of time. Girl, sometimes you use Instagram for five hours straight stalking your ex-best friend’s new boyfriend’s cousin who met Usher. We all have our stuff. Don’t have a superiority complex, especially towards your significant other.
6. Compliment them.
It’s kind of weird if the person you’re dating doesn’t tell you what they like about you. It’s not like you don’t know you’re great; it’s just nice to be reminded! This seems frivolous, but we all know how nice it feels to be acknowledged for a positive trait you hone. A simple ‘Wow, I am proud of how well you did on your exam’ or ‘Intelligence oozes out of you” are ABSOLUTE game-changers. A compliment a day can keep the breakups away.
7. Love with intention.
Jess C. Lively, intuition and wellness coach, discusses loving with intention in an article on her website. One of the tips I think particularly highlights what this means is keeping parts of the relationship that were sacred from the start still sacred no matter how long the relationship progresses. Sure, it’d be nice to laze around in sweats all day and eat pizza and binge-watch Netflix, but what about all the times you and your b had a deep and intimate conversation? Or went on a spontaneous drive to that mom and pop dessert shop? Try to keep the relationship from becoming a default – if you are only together out of obligation, then you may as well be single.
8. Be mindful.
This is an exercise we all should practice every day in every capacity, but it should be emphasized here as a way to fortify a relationship. Being mindful is all about having consciousness in all words and actions. I mean, how many times have we all felt anxiety over being left on read or ignored in-person? Make it clear later that maybe you were interrupted before you had the chance to respond or you were on your way to a meeting and couldn’t stop to talk. The extra step of clarification is SO valuable.
Hopefully, this sheds some light on how to be a kick-butt partner now or later! Above all, remember to love one another organically and always. If you have that as a foundation, all the above tips should be adopted quite easily. That’s all there is to it!