Getting a fresh, new cut and style is something that most girls look forward to, I know it’s my favorite time of the month. Going in, getting a warm and freshly made drink, getting waited on hand and foot (literally), and having someone help guide you in the world of beauty is one of the best past times a girl can have. As proven by Elle Woods and Paulette Bonafonte in Legally Blonde, it is a time that you can take to relax from every day stresses, feel pretty, and let yourself grow as a person by giving your mind a break.
With it officially being the season of chocolate and auburn hair, PSLs, and dark lipstick it’s time to get back in the salon chair to “autumn-ize” your style. This fall you should go to the salon and let them pamper you but maybe think twice about what expectations you have, as your hair stylists really aren’t magicians in the solid 3 hours it takes for your cut and color.
While having all of your pleasant thoughts about your salon experience, your hair stylists may not be having the same sugar plum thoughts that you are. I work at a salon and I have heard it all from our stylists about what is going on with their clients and their hair. SO! I have compiled a list of thoughts of what your hair stylist really could be thinking while doing your “fall-ready” hair.
1. I kind of want to just hang out in the break room today, please don’t show up.
2. Oh that’s who my appointment is with, I guess I’ll work today.
3. Oh right, you have a complicated coffee order.
4. I’m literally adding barista to my resume right now.
5. Oh sure, you want more sugar packets.
6. Okay let’s start your hair.
7. “I want to be platinum blonde…” says the girl that’s been coloring her hair with black box dye for the past 3 years. Yeah sure, I can do that for you but you won’t have any hair left on your head.
8. You can’t go from black to platinum in one 3 hour appointment.
9. “I pull really warm/red when I lighten my hair…” Everybody does, it’s an underlying pigment, and you may be orange for a while lifting through the next few appointments.
10. “Okay, I won’t do platinum, I want to be chocolate colored…” What type of chocolate? Milk, dark, or white?
11. “So I saw this on Pinterest…” That probs took a minimum of 12 hours and would easily cost the amount of a mortgage payment.
12. “I want to look JUST like this picture…” I can give you the cut and color, but you still won’t look like Kim K.
13. If that’s really what you want, I’ll do it. But DON’T tell people who did your hair!!
14. She literally thinks I’m a magician.
15. At least she’s funny.
16. So you want auburn hair with no traces of red, gold, or copper? Let’s go ahead and reinvent the color wheel real quick.
17. Please just make up your mind.
18. “I’ve never used box color” That’s a lie, but good thing you’re here for me to do it with good product.
19. There’s no more color options for you to think about and we’ve been in consultation for 30 minutes now.
20. Okay, we decided, time to get started.
21. So excited I think this will look so good on her.
22. “We haven’t colored my hair in like 3 months, so there’s no color on it…” It’s grown out, not washed out.
23. What about a cut.
24. “I’m trying to grow it out so take what you NEED to, but no more than an inch” Well you NEED about 3 inches off.
25. “I’ve been to like 10 stylists and none of them can cut my hair right!” Then it’s you, not them.
26. Just smile and tell her it’ll be fine.
27. Wait does that mean she went to someone else for a haircut.
28. Well she’s here isn’t she… I’ll give her the best cut of her life today.
29. Did she just say that it was her who cut her hair at home and messed it up?
30. “That’s what happens when you cut your hair at home.”
31. There is no such thing as 3 layers, you either want layers or you don’t.
32. “I don’t use any products and my hair is still really damaged…” Buy a heat PROTECTANT!
33. Are you a licensed cosmetologist? Then don’t tell me how to do my job please.
34. Let me pray to the hair gods that this works.
35. Oh the color is cold on your scalp? Sorry let me run in the back and stick it in the microwave.
36. I like girl talk, give me all the juicy details.
37. I should also add therapist to my resume.
38. Back to the break room I go for 25 minutes.
39. I guess I should go wash her so her hair doesn’t fall out.
40. Bending over the wash bowl really hurts my back.
41. If Pantene really was the bomb.com we would sell it.
42. No you can’t do this at home no matter how many YouTube videos you watch.
43. “I want a wash and go style, like this pic of J.Lo” Well, she had a red carpet style team, that is definitely not a wash and go.
44. Please close your eyes while I finish washing your hair, you don’t need to stare at me while I give you a scalp massage!
45. Just a quick cut and blow dry and we are homeward bound.
46. I’m going to unconciously take off the extra half inch she needs off her ends.
47. You’re all blow dried and your hair looks perfect and beautiful.
48. This should go on Pinterest.
49. Thanks hair gods, you’re the real MVP.
50. She’s not even going to buy the heat protectant and at her next appointment I’ll have to “accidentally” take off another extra half inch.
51. No really, if you’re unhappy with your hair let me fix it. I’d rather know now that a week from now.
52. Well she said she loves it, so I’ll go with it.
53. Yes that is how much I charge. I don’t tell your boss you need a pay decrease.
54. I worked so hard on her hair and she didn’t tip? Yeah, okay, thanks.
55. Another day another dollar.
So call the salon and reserve your stylist’s next appointment. Your fall hair is waiting.