The seemingly rising rates of college tuition is something to develop some incredibly strong feelings over. Sometimes you really do feel stoked to buy a new pair of shoes, but with college tution, it’s different. Maybe it’s because we get hung up on instant gratification and paying your tuition does not grant you a degree in the mail the second the payment is processed. Whatever it is, this is what paying your college tuition looks like:
1. DENIAL. No no no no…. this can’t be right… I mean all these fees? Obviously, it’s a typo. Or someone else’s account! Did I use my ID number? Maybe they didn’t put me in as a resident. I mean, things like that happen all the time, right? I’m only taking four classes, there is no way this much is for four classes! Ha, maybe it was a joke? A kind of “welcome back, gotcha”. It’s just a sense of humor thing… *heh* *heh* good one guys. You had me there for a second.
2. ANGER. I can’t believe they would charge me a fee for a math class! I think that is ridiculous. Why isn’t it the same price for as a Communications class? I’m still LEARNING, the price should not increase for different types of knowledge. This is class favoritism or something! And WHAT is a Matriculation Fee? They are making up words and charging me for them! I feel cheated! Ripped off! I refuse to pay this! How dare they hold my education hostage for such a steep price! Do they think they can get away with messing with my class schedule! It’s as if I’m being penalized for taking an online class. I cannot believe this!
3. BARGAINING. Okay, how about this… I will stop complaining about the university forever if you give me financial aid. Just a few thousand dollars worth of help and I’ll be good. You know what, I won’t be selfish, I’ll take a hundred. Okay, maybe two hundred. I will become your biggest supporter on the social media, you know how much publicity you’d get for that? Or I could bake everyone, and I mean everyone, in the admin’s office home-made cookies. And they are realllllly good cookies. I’ll even double the chocolate chips because we are such good friends. Better yet, I’ll be a mentor for the new, fresh minds who are coming into college and tell them all about how great it is here! Yes, without the college credit too! Just think about it? Please?
4. DEPRESSION. I am never going to eat again. I won’t be able to buy pizza rolls, *sniff* only the Dollar Tree imitation ones. This is my last chocolate muffin… I won’t be able to afford it during the semester. I am going to work as a waitress for the rest of my life. I will never have another Starbucks… which means my grades will fall and I will fail. I might have to sell a kidney to stay in school. How much do they go for now? *Sob* I’m going to have one kidney. I’m doomed. I might as well not go through with school. I am going to be a homeless person… with a future in homemade key-chains sold on the underside of the freeway. I should’ve taken more survival classes. I am not prepared for this new life.
5. ACCEPTANCE. Alright, I can do this. I might not be able to eat out every day, especially not at Olive Garden, but this will be healthier. And if things get really bad, my parents won’t let me live on the street. I’ll plan out my bills so they don’t swamp me at once. I don’t have to sell my kidney, I just need to watch how many imitation pizza rolls I buy. I just need to stay positive. This is no different from last semester and I got through that one. I can do this.
Yes, hello, I’m here to pay my tuition… Yes yes, everything is here, the entirety of bank account, my soul, and the right to my first born child. I just want you to know, I’m eating a lot more ramen this year. *Sob* See you next semester.
Good luck out there everybody, with the tuition and the semester!