People always wonder what their purpose in life is. I say it’s to follow their dreams. I believe dreams are so important because it gives someone inspiration, determination, and most importantly, hope. Hope that they can one day live a life where they are doing what they love to do.
For me, my dream is to become an actress. I love acting; it’s a chance for me to enter into a whole other world where I can be anyone I want and I can forget about all my troubles and worries and just focus on what I love doing. Some people who know me think it’s ironic that I want to be an actress, because I’m more on the reserved and calm side, and because I even have a moderate case of anxiety/social anxiety. So why would I want to be completely vulnerable in front of a lot of people all secretly judging me? Because when I’m on that stage or on that set, I feel like that’s where I’m destined to be. My social anxiety goes out the window and my confidence is at an all-time high. Basically, when I’m acting, I know that’s where I’m destined to be. That’s why this year one of my New Year’s resolutions is to completely focus on making my dream of becoming an actress a reality. Sure, I’ve done small stuff like middle school plays and being an extra on a TV show, but now it’s time to take it up a notch.
The only problem with my dream is it is very hard to become a successful actor; after all, so many people are trying to make it into this business. That’s why you always hear the word “rejection” when you think of an actor. Recently, I just had my first audition for a play at a community theatre in St. Pete. I went in, so completely and utterly nervous; in fact, I almost didn’t even go to the audition. I was outside in the parking lot, about to drive away, but then I remembered something I always tell myself when I’m about to let fear stop me from doing the things I want to do: When I’m very old and I’m looking back at my life, will I regret not doing this? That, and “Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game”. The only scarier thing for me than being rejected as an actor is not trying. The thing I’m scared of the most is regret. Sure, rejection is sad and kind of a low blow for your confidence, but regretting not doing something? That’s so scary because you can’t go back and fix regret because it’s already in the past and you can’t change the past.
Photo courtesy of Kelli Carmack
This was me on my way to the audition.
So I went to the audition, and I think I absolutely nailed it; the director was smiling throughout my audition and said “great job” at the end, I remembered all my lines, etc. I was so confident I was going to get it. But then, I got an email from the director and her assistant saying that I didn’t get it, and it absolutely devastated me. I ended up staying in my bed all night contemplating why I didn’t get it even though I thought I nailed it. But then I remembered something else. I remembered hearing from so many famous actresses like Jennifer Lawrence and Meryl Streep about how they were told “no” so many times, but they never gave up; they kept trying. Could you imagine if Meryl Streep, the arguably best actress of all time, gave up on her dream of acting because someone told her “no”? So I think of that and then I say, “When it’s my time, it’s my time”. One day it will be my time to shine. So what if I didn’t get this audition? Yes, it’s a bummer, but you know what? It was a great experience and even though I didn’t get cast in the play, I am so proud of myself because I tried.
So the next time you really want to do something, but you feel way too scared and nervous to do it, remember that even if you mess up, you can say that you tried. Be proud of yourself for trying. Why? Because you tried at following your dream even though you were super nervous, and that shows that you really love yourself. Also, if you don’t have a dream or a passion in life, I really encourage you to dig deep into yourself and find something that you love doing and try to do whatever that is for the rest of your life. Because, as I always say, you only have one life, so make it the life you dream of living.
HCXOXO,
Kelli Carmack
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