He was charming, he was cute. Flattering and mysterious ….But he was also jealous and manipulating. Protective and overpowering. But then again I was naïve and shy. Innocent and immature. We need to know the signs to look for so we can get out when we can! It’s true we all go through our naïve stage with guys where we mistake the jealousy qualities for security from men. I once did this when I was sixteen and my naïve days went on longer than a year. I was trapped because I took the jelousy qualities of a guy I was interested in as a feeling of being protected. The jealousy for me showed me how much he cared. When my boyfriend became jealous of me talking to other guys it gave me a sense of pleasure. He wanted me all to himself and I couldn’t be upset with that. When he interrupted my plans with my friends on the weekends or took me away from things I had to do it made me incredibly happy because it made me feel wanted. When he skipped class, practice for baseball or any other important thing to spend time with me I loved it. I was secretly blinded by the feeling of being wanted because for the first time in my life I was paid attention to. I overlooked every sign in the book that tells you to stay away from that guy. The one that tells you if he tells you what to do it’s not because he loves you, he wants to control you. I was told how to act and dress. I wasn’t his girlfriend and he wasn’t my boyfriend. He was my master and I was his puppet. I was strung along, and I gave him the strings every time I obeyed him. Being a volley ball player or cheerleader was out of the question for me because those were sluts according to him. Volley ball players pranced around in their little shorts that were skin tight and cheer leaders all slept with the football players. They wore miniskirts that showed off basically everything. I could only participate in the sports that covered my entire body. He threatened me every time I didn’t want to listen to him. He pulled my life out from underneath me so this way I could run anywhere when I needed an escape. He was smart from the beginning and he made me his prey while he devoured my whole life. He isolated me from the world, so every time I tried to end the relationship I was reminded how lonely I was and took him back. He knew what he was doing when he lured me in with his gentlemen ways and charming acts. His claws didn’t come out until later in the relationship. As girls we need to know what to look for so a month or two with a controlling, abusive man doesn’t become a year or two. We all know as women we become attached, so we need to be able to catch this type of man before it is too late to walk away. Lucky for me, I got away when I could. Not every woman can. First thing to look for is if a man is sneaky and nosy. You never want a man who doesn’t trust you and is always in your business. The looks of it are that he is just insecure. You don’t want to be with a man who is insecure because he will always be questioning who you were with and where you were. This leads to a controlling man. You can always tell by if he wants to look through your phone or looks over your shoulder while texting. You can even catch him snooping in your business or in your personal conversations. Another sign to look out for is if a guy constantly uses this phrase “If you love me, then you’ll do it.” I understand some guys use it to joke around, but if a man isn’t kidding hit the road around the 3rd time you catch him doing it. This man is manipulating and will get you to do things by playing the love card. Don’t fall for it or eventually you’ll be doing everything he asks.
When he starts to become jelous of you hanging out with guy friends or even your girl friends, hit the road. He isn’t the man for you. A man should want a woman to go out and have fun, so if he becomes mad or upset about you having fun he has deeper issues you don’t want to become wrapped up in. Any man who can’t let a woman have fun without him is secretly insecure. A good man wants his women to be happy no matter what even if that means sacrificing a night with you. The right guy is a guy who sacrifices and gives to make you happy, and the wrong guy is a guy who is selfish and takes until you have nothing left so he can feel satisfied.
Also, when a man only looks to pleasure himself putting his needs before yours he isn’t the man you want to spend the rest of you life with. A man should be thinking of what is the best for you and also for the relationship. Any man who is selfish will give you a unhealthy relationship because you’ll constantly find yourself in terrible fights that never end. If he is short tempered in any way to the point he can’t control let him go. If you notice he acts different towards everyone else but you that’s a sign of his true colors. A man who is genuine and sweet will be that way to everyone else. He typically will hide that side to win you over, and when you become too involved he brings that side out. A big sign is how he treats his mother or sissters because that is normally how he will treat you.
If you begin to notice he demands all your attention don’t take it as a good thing. He doensn’t love you the way you think he does because he just wants to take you away from every opportunity out there so he can begin to control you. There is a difference between wanting to spend a lot of time with you and wanting you to himself every second. You need to have your own time and if he can’t understand him there is no use in sticking around.
There are so many signs to begin to look for in a controlling man, but the number one thing to remember is that you don’t deserve to be knocked around and stepped all over. Remember, the most important thing is to remember your worth. Remember, who you are and how you want to be treated and don’t ever let a man treat you less as soon as he does…..
GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!