“Omg. Caption on point,” has become a reoccuring phrase in Instagram lingo. After snapping the perfect shot, editing until you’re #flawless, and uploading at the perfect time to get 100+ likes, it’s time to nail the perfect caption. If you’re the one in your friend group who always comes up with the most perfect thing to say, take pride in your puns. You don’t need Instagram; Instagram needs you.
1. Your friends constantly text you asking for Instagram captions and you’re forced to think quickly on the spot. Seven girls requested a clever use of the word ‘darty’? The pressure is on.
2. If you make a friend’s caption, you feel the need to comment “Great caption, wonder who made it?” to claim the copyrights. Give credit when credit is due, people.
3. People (your fans) expect a lot from you. Simply tossing a couple of emojis as a caption is unacceptable and so “not you.” Resorting to emojis means you’ve given up.
4. You fight the urge to give out recycled captions. Seriously, one more picture with “Couldn’t think of a cheesy caption!” and I’m going dairy-free.
5. You see a picture with a seriously bad caption and your anxiety level increases because they could have done so much more. YOU HAD ONE JOB.
6. You have equally high anxiety when someone tries too hard and uses six puns and four sets of (parenthesis) in one (cap)tion. Take it down a notch and (re)frain yourself, please.
7. You can’t help but laugh when you see a selfie with an inspirational quote as the caption. Really, not all those who wander are lost? In that moment, did you genuinely feel infinite? And what aspect of The Fault in Our Stars correlates with your duck lips? Owning a selfie stick does not make you a philosopher. Witty people understand this.
8. You only use a hashtag ironically. Those who say, “I went to the beach today! #beach #waves #sand #water #air #fire #earth #elements #science #lab #school #textbook #locker #backpack” need to DO LESS.
9. When your friend’s caption is a total crowd pleaser, people automatically assume you made it. Your trademark captions are known throughout your friend groups.
10. You consider charging people and making a business out of your wittiness. But then you remember you do it out of the goodness of your heart. You’re making the world a better place, one pun at a time.