Valentine’s Day is when you show someone how much you care in small details be it via chocolates, flowers, or a romantic date. For some, it’s the day you get to be with the one that you love. And for the singles, it’s basically just a reality check that you’re lonesome. It is a reminder that the one they love isn’t around anymore. When you think of Valentine’s day, you think of happiness and love, not loneliness and sadness.
I spoke to one widow, someone who’s very dear to me. Now, for privacy reasons I won’t give the actual names or pictures of him and his wife, but this distinct person I talked to was my dad about my mom. I always thought of my parents as the “ideal” couple, thought they were perfect since they both always found a way to smile through it all even in the toughest of situations. They were married for over 20 years. Each day during those years, they were always smiling around each other. My mom would always laugh at my dad’s lame jokes, while my dad loved the comfort of being in her arms.
When they dated, and after they got married, my dad would try to buy my mom either chocolates, a teddy bear or take her out on a date. If my dad wasn’t able to do any of those because he couldn’t earn the money on time, it never bothered my mom. She would ask him to simply stay by her side and hold her, because small details were the most meaningful. After I was born, my dad would buy Valentine’s Day gifts for the both of us. As the day ended, we would all sit down and watch some random romantic movies or comedies.
My mom died of liver cancer in 2010. The feeling of knowing that you won’t be able to feel your mother’s embrace ever again is indescribable, I also know for a fact that it must’ve been much worse for my dad. I remember hearing him cry during the night as he’d say: “she’s gone” over and over again for about a week. For Valentine’s Day, he makes the effort to give me gifts; although he gives me two instead of one. He tries his best to smile through the pain; but, later on, I would spot him sitting in a corner with an anguished expression fixed on his face trying his hardest to fight back his tears.
I usually reach out to him and hug him tightly as he inevitably breaks down in my arms. He always breaks down when I hug him. It’s been almost 7 years, and he still says that there’s no one else for him. No one will be able to fill the space my mom has throughout our lives. There will be no one like her.
Losing who you love is never easy. It’s worse when you’re the witness of a person losing their other half. It leaves a void which you feel like can never be filled. My dad and I have grown closer ever since my mom died, however he still tries to hide the pain of losing someone so wonderful- someone who made him feel complete. If you know someone who lost a loved one, don’t be afraid to hug them or at least let them know you’re there for them. It makes them feel better knowing that they have someone they can count on. If you have lost a loved one, one thing you have to do is keep moving forward – like my mom would say – and it’s okay to miss them (even if a year or a decade has passed), don’t be afraid to letting it all out. It’s not easy, but you’ll be fine. Your loved one is looking after you.