I consider myself to be a timid and reclusive girl when it comes to boys. No, it doesn’t mean that I don’t have male friends, it means that romantically I am a mess around them. That is why, during my sophomore year, I decided that I wanted to let loose and talk to guys with the intention of maybe going on a date or two. Sadly, I am way too shy to go up to a guy and invite him for coffee. Therefore, I opted to try a different course and opened up an account on a dating website. Almost immediately, a guy started talking to me and – after two or three weeks of small talk online – I decided to take his offer on going for lunch.
from: Pexels
He picked me up at our campus, I made sure to tell my girl friends who I was leaving with, and we went to eat somewhere at La Avenida. No, I am not disclosing names nor places. He satisfied my cravings and we went somewhere that served burgers. He opened the door for me, pulled out my chair and waited patiently until I decided on my order. After we had our plates, and decided that talking about college was enough, he asked if I had any previous boyfriends and about my career goals. I remember that, as far as career went, I was transitioning from my life at Natu to probably becoming an Admi girl.
I remember he didn’t say anything but I noticed that, after I talked about the things I wanted in life – career wise might I add – the mood shifted. Lunch ended, I went back to my classes and we didn’t speak until a couple days later. He initiated the conversation, apologizing for his MIA status and then sent the message that still haunts me to this day. “You’re an amazing person and you’re going to go far. But…you’re like the marrying type. You have a lot of academic and professional goals and I don’t know if I fit them. Right now, I just wanna have fun and not have something serious,” the message read. Obviously, I am translating because it actually said “solo quiero vacilar sin tener algo serio” and, from that day on, I felt awful at being who I am.
from: Pinterest.com
I felt like I was being condemned because I have a thought of where I want to go professionally. And yes, nowadays more women are earning higher education degrees and have extremely competitive career goals. But I started wondering if this was the actual reason I wasn’t having any success at a love life.
Unfortunately, this was not it. This guy has not been the last to tell me I am “the marrying type” and I want to know why men think it’s a good idea to openly express they don’t want to be with you because they want to marry you. I sort of feel they’re telling us to “wait until they’re done living life” because then – hopefully – they’ll come to us. But you know what? Their loss. If someone – anyone – has ever told you that you’re “The Marrying Type” tell them: “you’re missing out, I am more than that.”
from: Notey.com
Not all women want to get married even though society wants to put us all in that category. If the marrying type is a girl who “is nice”, “gets along with my parents” and fits certain standards according to men, then so be it. We all have way more to offer, especially amazing fashion sense, go-getter attitude and the ability to slay everything. If someone doesn’t want that in their life because they’re looking for God knows what, then shrug it off, grab a glass of wine and turn on that Shondaland because who needs them anyway?
I have learned to ignore these comments because one day someone will see me as I am and probably will want to be with me. At that moment, I can think back on all these guys who said no and say: “Y’all weren’t worth it anyways.” Don’t try to do what I did: I stopped talking about my goals, skipped my career plans and even put projects on hold because “I didn’t want them interfering with whatever guy could come my way”. Because in doing so, I lost a bit of myself. Never lose yourself because they fail to see you’re more than “The Marrying Type”.