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We all have expectations about sex. Whether you’re a virgin, into hooking up, or in a committed relationship, there are certain things we all look for and want to happen when we become intimate with our partner. There are some things, however, that you can’t control no matter the situation. Here’s a list of things you should and shouldn’t expect from your partner:
You should not expect:
Their number. It’s always nice to think you’re going to be unique and your partner’s “first” something- their first time it was real, their first time it wasn’t rush, or maybe even their first time in general. The truth is, though, you can’t and shouldn’t expect your partner’s sex history to be what you want it to be. Whether he or she has slept with fifteen people before you or one or none at all, it doesn’t change the fact that they are choosing you now. And that’s the point. If both of you consent, you are each other’s now and the rest is, truly, history.
A relationship. Sex always makes things cloudy. Unless you are already in a monogamous relationship with your partner before you have sex, you need to clearly define what you are or want to be beforehand. Having sex does not mean the two of you are together or even exclusive sleeping buddies. Unless you’ve had a clear conversation about it, you can’t expect them to be exclusively yours. So if that’s what you want, talk about it before you hit the sheets.
Their orgasm. Everyone has different kinks that allow them to climax, and some people have harder times orgasming than others. It’s always a little blow to your ego if your partner doesn’t experience an orgasm when you’re together, I know; but don’t feel bad about yourself if that happens. It all comes down to their individual biology and not your skills. The most important part about sex is not finishing, but enjoying your time together. Try to remember that if things don’t end as planned.
You should expect:
Clumsiness. Sex in real life is not like the porn videos. Not every man’s penis is 10 inches long and not every woman can bend herself like an acrobat. Sex in real life is clumsy, it’s messy, it’s raw, it’s real. Expect laughter when your heads bump or clothes to be tangled around limbs or missing the hole three times. It’s normal, and it’s part of the fun.
Every time to be different. Sex experiences vary based on your partner and the progression of their and your abilities. Some people are more talented at certain actions than others, and some days they want to do something different than the time before. Whether you’re monogamous or not, do not expect every sexual experience to be as great or as bad or as ____ as the last time. There will be times where you’ll have the best sex of your life and other times where it was just an itch that needed to be scratched. Sex changes, just like people do.
Mutual respect afterward. Whether you leave the bed as friends, a couple, or strangers, you must always respect your partner and expect that same respect in return. Be wise with who you choose to sleep with; if he or she does not seem like the type of person to be gracious and respectful after the act- no matter how it was- don’t sleep with them. You own your body and are in charge of making decisions for it. Do your best to make sure you never regret them.
*Please note: this article talks about consensual sex between two people.