To the Next Man Who Loves Me:
I almost started this by thanking you, and then I realized that I shouldn’t have to thank you for loving me, like it’s a chore or a responsibility or you’re going out of your way by doing so. I’m a lovable person, and you’re damn lucky to have me.
First thing you should know about me: I come off as stuck up. I have walls, and I don’t like it when people try to breach them, including you. So I project myself to be tougher than I actually am and more fearless and full of fire and all those things that I’m sure drew you to me in the first place. As you get closer, though, you’ll notice how delicate I am; how those walls were built out of necessity because I was hurt, time and time again, and how I’m terrified of being hurt again. See, I don’t fall in love with many people, but when I do, I fall hard. I will give you my everything so by the time it all blows up in my face, I will have to rise from my knees to gain it all back.
I don’t want you to have power over me. The one before you did, and he ruined me. Correction: I let him ruin me, and that’s dark path I will never walk down again.
You’ll have to remind me time and time again about why you love me. Yes, I’m insecure, but moreso than that- I just like to hear you say it. It makes me feel beautiful on my ugly days and motivated on my lazy days and secure when I feel too reckless. Please be patient with me, I’m working on all of that. But it’ll take time, and I need your understanding and not your doubt. I have faith in myself, but I’d like you to have faith in me, too.
I want us to fight with each other. If we can’t argue and still respect each other afterwards, there’s no point to being together. I’m a stubborn person, but I will always put stock into your beliefs and anything that means a lot to you. The only thing I won’t do is bend my beliefs to make you happy; it’s all about compromise, so don’t waste your time trying to turn me into someone else. The man before you did, and he loved me for all the wrong reasons because of it.
Love me for the right reasons. Make peace with my past just like I’ll make peace with yours, and look toward our future above all else. I will never hand you the keys to my life, but I will open the door to my heart for you. It’s scarred, slightly crooked, and sometimes very fragile, but it still has a lot of love left to give.
And, if we make it through all of this and somehow end up together, it’ll be worth it. That much I can promise you.
Love, Me