I have always been an incredibly anxious person. I spent most of my life avoiding things that I was scared of. That being said, most of my fears have always been considered irrational. Recently, I read a book about a girl diagnosed with terminal cancer that had a list of things she wanted to do before she died. She was scared she would never get to accomplish these things, so she’s stepped out of her comfort zone and started doing as many things as she could. This made me realize that life is too short for me to avoid things that scare me. Over the last few months I have made it a point to face some of my biggest fears.
Cutting my hair. I started growing my hair out in middle school after years of keeping it short, and after that, I was afraid to cut it. Almost daily someone would come up to me and tell me how beautiful my red hair was, and how it looked even better now that it was longer. So I kept letting it grow out. I would cut the dead ends off, but never more than an inch at a time. My hair was all the way down my back, and I took extremely good care of it. Around the end of 2017, I realized that I held way to much of my identity in my hair. I didn’t want to be known as the girl with the “long, red hair.” It took months of convincing myself, but I finally chopped off six inches this past December.
Eating by myself. Another irrational fear of mine. Growing up, I hated seeing people eat alone at restaurants. This has led to an adulthood where I won’t eat by myself. I didn’t realize that I did this until getting to college, where all my friends ate lunch before I got out of class. So one day, I sucked it up and went to the cafeteria by myself. I know that it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but since I have anxiety, going into a crowded room alone by choice was a huge step for me.
Riding a roller coaster. I know that this is a common fear, but let me explain. I don’t have a fear of heights. I have a fear of roller coasters. I grew up close enough to Six Flags that most of my friends had Season Passes. My family would take me, and I would refuse to ride most of the rides. I was a buzzkill, I know. But nine-year-old me was only focused on the safety hazards that they posed, and not the potential fun I would have riding them. So, when spring break 2018 rolled around, and my friend invited me to go for the first time in over a decade, I agreed. We rode multiple rides that I had never been on before, and I had a blast. Now, I didn’t ride anything too crazy, like the Titan or the Texas Giant, but I did get on one, and even held my hands in the air instead of griping the handles for dear life. That’s what I call improvement.
Singing in front of a crowd. I grew up singing in my church choir and just generally enjoying music. People have always told me that I have a decent singing voice, but I don’t agree. That being said, I do sing all the time, but not purposefully for people to hear me. I sang in musicals when I was younger, and sang at church, but I now that I am older, I never thought I would do anything like that again. But, knowing I was writing this article, my roommate and I signed up to sing at karaoke on campus. We sang “Roses” by the Chainsmokers, and even though we didn’t particularly sound amazing, we definitely didn’t sound terrible. I agreed to it faster than I ever would’ve have previously, and even though I don’t see myself doing this as a regular occurrence, I’m glad that I did it.
Going to a blood drive. When I was in the second grade, I suffered from traumatic blood lose. Ever since then, I have become extremely queasy around blood, I don’t like seeing it, and I don’t like talking about it. Thank goodness I didn’t have dreams of being any sort of doctor. Recently, my roommate decided to go to a blood drive on UNT’s campus, and I agreed to go with her. Though I didn’t give blood (My pulse would’ve been way to high and I 10/10 would’ve passed out), I did go in and watch the process happen. I didn’t like it at all, but I was extremely proud of myself for taking steps towards facing my biggest fear.
Over the course of this project of mine, I found each next fear to be a little bit easier to face. Though they are still things that I wouldn’t choose to do if I had my way, I wouldn’t be afraid to do them again. It took me this long to realize that my fears were all in my head, and that I really didn’t have to be afraid. Even though a lot of these things were just baby steps into facing my fears, I am proud that I accomplished what I did. And, hey, maybe there will be sky-diving and bungee-jumping in my future! (But honestly, I wouldn’t count on it.)