DISCLAIMER: This is article is overflowing with spoilers. Do not read it if you haven’t finished the new episodes.
When I was a kid, my older sister and I would never miss the 3 p.m. summer reruns of Gilmore Girls on ABC Family. It was our thing. We’d eat Ramen noodles and pretend to know what “Ab Fab” meant or who Emily Post was. Like so many others, we had high hopes that the new episodes would bring us back to those days of pining for the kitschy life of a Stars Hollow resident. However, as the final episode’s credits rolled, there was a palpable feeling of confusion.
So, I present to you four of my least favorite things about Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life.
1. Tristan Who?
This photo of Rory might actually be a candid picture of me when they mentioned Tristan’s name in the spring episode. Tristan was such a forgettable character and if Chad Michael Murray was too busy doing whatever it is he does to make a 10-second appearance, we shouldn’t have had to think about him at all. It’s pretty insulting to even suggest that to me that Paris, a wildly successful 32-year-old woman, still has any inkling of her childhood crush on a huge piece of garbage. There is no alternate universe in which she hasn’t realized she’s always been way too good for him. Also, why is he at Alumni Day? He didn’t even graduate from Chilton!
2. What Happened to Luke?
Luke, the once charmingly grouchy coffee guy, has turned into a clueless Internet-hating snoozefest. Maybe it’s because I find grouchy 30-somethings more interesting than bitter older men, but all of the charm Luke once brought to the equation was thrown entirely out the window. He has always had a soft spot for Rory, but his overwhelming pride for Rory’s New Yorker piece seemed flamboyant and uncharacteristic. Also, I do not believe for one second that a grown man like Luke doesn’t understand how surrogacy works, even after an entire year’s worth of explanation. I’m offended that the Sherman-Palladinos thought we would just accept this.
3. #JESSDESERVESBETTER
No matter what your feelings about the revival were, I think we can all agree that Jess was totally robbed. He was maybe the only person who had tangible growth and character development throughout the show. He was absolutely the only person, including Lorelai, who seemed to care that Rory was having some major existential crisis and offered an actual helpful solution. He didn’t just throw money at her like the rest of the disappointing men in this series, yet his character was left stuck, presumably pining after Rory forever.
4, Adultery? Who Cares!
Rory made some questionable decisions when it came to love in the original series, but I had always hoped it would pave the way for her to grow from her mistakes. After all, it’s not like Lorelai provided a sparkling example of what respectful relationships looked like. She abandoned Max, and all of her other responsibilities, the day before their wedding and primarily dated Jason to piss off her mother. That being said, I really thought Rory would’ve had it together by now, at least in regard to healthy relationships. I guess the writers just expect us to believe that the Rory who valued trust and honesty withered away and took the rest of her morals and likability down with her. That’s the only explanation for her stringing along poor Paul and having casual sex with Logan, who did not seem to be in an open relationship with his fiance. Obviously not cool, Rory.
With all of that being said, I didn’t completely hate the new episodes. Emily really seemed to fit in in Nantucket, making children cry with her vivid descriptions of exploding sperm whales and adorable home right off the beach. The Dragonfly seems wildly successful, and Michel will probably keep his job and have a beautiful family. I think I’m just going to pretend none of the crazy happened and everyone is happy and in love with themselves and each other.