Recently, John Picciuto’s article about chivalry has been spreading across Facebook and other social media with mixed reaction. In Picciuto’s article “Why Chivalry is Dead- From a Man’s Perspective” he begins the article by stating, “In the hookup culture we now live in, it’s pretty obvious that chivalry is completely dead.” He goes on to detail how the “norms” we’ve grown up with have been tossed aside for hookups and men simply looking to “get down”.
On first read, it may seem like the typical “our generation is too reliant on technology and can’t meet people/have a conversation/function.” A timeworn albeit expected argument. On further examination, Picciuto’s views are outdated, demeaning, and just plain insulting.
He scorns his fellow men for not doing what he considers the “norm.” Now, what exactly makes him qualified to make such a sweeping generalization of what the “norm” is? Sure, he can state his opinions all he wants, but for him to make statements such as “We don’t take the time to get to really know people anymore and that’s why you see relationships and marriages failing at a 50 percent clip” isn’t supported by one shred of evidence. How can he make that connection without one fact or statistic?
By the “norm”, Picciuto means certain chivalrous touches such as paying for dinner, opening doors, and walking on the outside of the sidewalk. There is no problem with holding doors open, rather it’s the assumption Picciuto has that women need these sorts of treatments because we’re unable to hold open such heavy things as doors. It’s the age-old belittlement in disguise: women aren’t enough. Nowhere in his article does Picciuto advocate doing good for others simply because they are equal human beings. There is a flip side to the kind of chivalry that Picciuto is defending: that women should be treated to things like dinner (as long as they obediently stay at home to cook and clean). Picciuto aims for a progressive sounding article and instead backslides women’s rights at a speed that’s head spinning.
Finally, at the end of the article, Picciuto declares his real problem: women. As he says, “The real problem here is that women, for one reason or another, have become complacent and allowed men to get away with adhering to the bare minimum.” Picciuto claims that until women wise up and act accordingly, they won’t get what they want (a relationship) until they withhold what men want (sex). His assumptions about what men and women want dates back to times when women were considered property, unable to make any decisions of importance.
So, is the kind of chivalry that Picciuto is promoting dead? One can only hope. However, basic respect is still alive and kicking, challenging those like John Picciuto.