Most of us have some experience with unhealthy relationships. Either you’ve been in, or you’ve had friends or family members who were in an unhealthy romantic relationship. While it can be easy to identify a relationship as unhealthy through observation, it can be much more difficult to see it when you’re the one in the relationship. So, if you’re questioning whether your relationship is unhealthy, here are a few tell-tale signs that it is:
1. They comment negatively about your appearance.
I dated someone who used to make comments about how crazy my hair color looked, and then when I got upset he would backtrack and tell me how much he liked it. But that never lasted and he would say something about the color of my hair almost every time I saw him. Eventually, I started doubting myself and my beauty decisions. That’s not okay, that’s toxic behavior and you should never tolerate it. The person you’re with should make you feel beautiful, not silly.
2. The communication is off.
If your significant other can’t ever text you back in a few hours or if they disappear and don’t communicate with you for days and then get mad that you are upset—then you should dump them because they suck.
3. They have expectations you have to follow but they get mad if you ask them to follow the same ones.
If the person you’re dating expects you to do something a certain way, then they should be fine with being held to the same standards, right? If they’re not, leave. I dated someone who would get upset if I didn’t get back to him quickly enough f I wasn’t around, he would take hours to days to get back to me and then get mad that I was upset. This kind of behavior is unfair and unacceptable in any relationship.
4. The sex is unequal.
If your sex life is all about the other person, that sucks and why are you still there? Go find someone who appreciates you.
5. Your parents, siblings, and friends don’t like them.
This is a major sign that you should get out of the relationship. If the most important people in your life, the ones who know you the best, don’t like the person that you’re dating, then listen to them. They wouldn’t feel this way without a good reason. Plus, they are much more objective than you are because they are not emotionally invested in your relationship.
6. You cry more in the relationship than you ever did when you were alone.
This is self-explanatory. If the person makes you feel upset, often enough that you find yourself crying or angry most of the time, then the relationship is not healthy. Be like Elsa and Let it Go.
7. Your partner makes you feel like you’re crazy when you voice your concerns and/or you break up and get back together a lot to solve your problems.
A partner in a healthy relationship will listen to your feelings and do what they can to help solve whatever is wrong. A healthy relationship will not rely on breaking up when things get too difficult. If your partner makes you feel like everything is your fault and you’re crazy for having concerns, and if your relationship is off and on because of this, then they deserve zero more minutes of your time.
8. They make grandiose promises and then never follow through.
Actions speak louder than words. This might sound cliché, but it’s true. A person who makes crazy, romantic promises but then can’t follow through on even the simplest things they say is never going to follow through on anything. I stayed in a relationship too long because the other person kept telling me things like he wanted to marry me and wanted a future with me—but then he couldn’t follow through on the most basic of promises. The problem with people who make promises like that is that they are manipulative. It’s a quick fix, a way for the person to keep you in the relationship, without changing anything about their behavior. Beware: if they never follow through, they don’t mean it.
9. You don’t trust them.
If you can’t trust that someone that will be there or they aren’t telling you the truth, then the relationship is not worth your time. This also refers to cheating, lying, or any suspicions of that kind of behavior. Bottom line: if you can’t trust your partner, you shouldn’t be with them.
10. You’re reading this and thinking that some or all of these apply to your relationship.
If several of these apply to your relationship, then you need to take a better look at why you are still in it. Sometimes, these problems can be fixed. If the problems don’t end up resolving then it’s time to cut your losses and leave.