The gift of self-love is not an innate skill and we are not born with it. It is not given by anyone or found through others’ validation; one must find it within themselves. Finding self-love is a process, sometimes long, sometimes short, but no doubt– it is a journey. The most important part to remember is that you must embark on this journey alone. Hopefully, these steps can help jumpstart your quest to truly love yourself.
1. Find out who you are
Finding out who you are is the first step in truly loving yourself. Seriously, look in the mirror and yell, “WHO AM I?”. Acknowledge both your strengths and your weaknesses. List them out and explain how each one affects your life. After you identify those weaknesses, the ultimate goal is to work on them. Don’t beat yourself up for your flaws, just understand them. Embrace the fact that you can point out important traits about yourself and fully grasp how they shape your interactions. Give yourself a spirit animal and name it. Anything to help you determine who and what you are in this very moment. The key is to think about who you are RIGHT NOW, not tomorrow, or 2 years ago; right this moment. This may come easy to some but may be much harder for others. If you’re having trouble identifying traits about yourself, you could even ask an honest and trustworthy friend to help you. Just be honest with yourself and you will be surprised how much you can learn.
2. Now that you know yourself, find others that truly know and appreciate You too.
Although this is a solo journey, you will always be around people. It is crucial to step-back and evaluate how and why people are in your life. As I’ve come to realize, a friend is never just a friend. They are a specifically chosen person to share your time and energy with. If they don’t make you feel like you can always be yourself, they are probably not going to help and uplift you on your conquest of life. Sometimes the most influential things in your life are those people that surround you, and you must make sure that they deserve to be there. This is also a reminder to be an inspiring friend. While you must focus on your own shortcomings, there is no replacement for You when it comes to a close friend. Be the type of friend you would hope that they are to you, even if they fall short at times. Friendships are some of the most important and complicated relationships that you may ever be a part of. It is critical that we understand the effects of our actions on one another, and being aware of your energy is just one more step in the direction of loving oneself.
3. Treat Yo Self.
This is much easier if you view yourself as your own child to take care of. You might want to do something negative and destructive but you must be reminded that it is not what is best. Remind yourself of the many ways that you are a gift to yourself. Take yourself out for coffee, ice cream, on a dinner date, etc. There are so many things to fall in love with that don’t include another person. Fall in love with a book on a rainy afternoon, a sunset, the sound of your friends laughing, the moment you lay down after a long day, or even the stars on a clear night. Most importantly, fall in love with your solitude. View the world as a playground and you will always find something to occupy your mind. Take advantage of the opportunities given to you and don’t look back. If you’re at a time in your life where you can be selfish, DO IT. What I mean by selfish is to live your life, work on yourself, and do it unapologetically. Once you have mastered living and loving your solitude, you have found peace and love from within.
Loving yourself is unequivocally about doing what is best for you and your soul. So treat yourself well, as if you are your own best friend. Every person’s journey will be different and these steps may come at very different times. No matter how long it takes, try not to lose the gumption to pursue a clear mind and love for yourself.
[Artwork courtesy of Cloudythurstag]