Women of today are breaking down gender stereotypes everywhere including in the bedroom. The idea that men should be sexual aggressors is being turned on its head and popular culture and media have taken the theme and run with it. The emergence of what is known as the “hookup culture” has spread throughout college campuses far and wide and UNC is no exception. Many support this culture because it goes in the face of the double standard for how men and women are supposed to behave sexually.
While being a sexually liberated woman is great and every woman should feel confident with her sexual self, the use of one-night stands may not be the best way to address your independence. This is not to say that the sexually liberated woman is a slut, it is just to note some of the dangers and stereotypes that women may be perpetuating rather than tearing down. So, the question is how do we avoid perpetuating gender stereotypes and slut shaming, while still addressing our sexual independence? Well ladies, here is a list of seven things you can ask yourself before taking home that mysterious guy from the bar that will help you be the most independent, confident and liberated version of yourself!
1. Don’t forget about your fellow ladies.
Yes, no strings attached relationships are all about allowing both men and women have their cake and eat it too. However, in the long run simply hooking up may not send the signals that you want to portray to men. Allowing men to view women as more easily attainable does not automatically liberate women on a societal level. Though you may feel empowered, it can reduce the power of other women when they are presented with sexual opportunities that they may not want to pursue. Men thinking that women want to be sexually liberated with one-night-stands can also perpetuate the college rape culture. Some young men automatically think that women want to have sex. This outlook has lead to sexual situations where men no longer ask, but expect. What happens when they are confronted with women that are not willing to enter that situation? Many of these women become victims of sexual assault and rape. In fact, according to Campus Safety sexual assault statistics, “20%-25% of women will experience a completed or attempted rape during their college careers.” Additionally, at least 50% of these sexual assaults involve alcohol. Make sure that consent is apart of your experience, and make sure that it is clearly communicated because lack of clear consent can put you and other women in danger.
When really cocky guys hit on me:
2. Do you really want to hook up?
The hookup culture is often fueled with alcohol. Think twice before you hook up and ask yourself: is it the alcohol or me that wants this experience? Many women use alcohol as a way to depressurize social encounters with men. Girls, we all know that we feel a lot more outgoing and flirty after a few drinks. However, after a long night, sobriety can hit by the time you make it back to the bedroom. In this case, many women have changed their minds about their sexual desires for the night, which is totally ok! So, ladies, when confronted with this situation don’t be ashamed to back out if you feel it is better for you. Often times saying no can be just as empowering.
3. Are you in control?
This is a very intimate experience and in order for you to fully enjoy yourself it’s important that you feel you have control over yourself and the situation. Confidence is key in bed. No one ever has a hot experience by being timid in the sheets. If something happens that you don’t like or you feel crosses a line, do not hesitate to let your guy know! This is why many women prefer having sex with men that they know because it makes bedroom talk more comfortable. This doesn’t necessarily have to lead to pillow talk and breakfast, but it should definitely be present when getting it on.
When a guy says he hates going down on girls because it takes too long:
4. Has this become an every weekend behavior?
Don’t make hooking up a habit. If you do it is likely that this will become your behavior with all guys that you are attracted to. So, when you find Mr. Right, beware of your behavior because it might lead him to write you off as hookup instead of long-term material.
5. Do you have protection?
This is age old advice that comes from every direction. The funny thing about age old advice is that it is the best advice. Ladies, protection is key and a one-night stand without it is signing yourself up for an experience with not only him, but with all of his sexual partners. Take it seriously and think it over. No protection? No problem! There will be many other men on many other nights.That feeling when you realize you forgot protection:
6. Making ‘em work for it will be worth it!
According to Women and the World, a recent study presented at the annual meeting of the International Academy of Sex Research, women who have sex with people they know or are in a relationship with were twice as likely to have an orgasm during sex. Ladies isn’t the point of becoming sexually liberated to be able to be pleasured without having to go steady? Well, if going steady is too much, why not half steady? According to studies, even the occasional hook up with a well known guy results in a better sexual experience for you. Let’s be honest, that’s what we really care about!
7. Is he in your circle?
If you have no intention of getting back together with this guy or seeing him again make sure you don’t run in the same circles. Running into your one night stand at the dining hall, library, or class is never fun. We like to make nightlife and reality separate and having to dodge your hookups glance while waiting in the pizza line will forever be an awkward experience. So, if he is in your clique or someone you know you see a lot around campus, reconsider if he is truly the best choice for your sexually liberated experience!
When I see my hookups during the daytime:
Now that you’ve read through all of these tips, choose wisely and don’t forget to have fun!
Sources
http://www.campussafetymagazine.com/article/Sexual-Assault-Statistics-and-Myths
http://www.omaha.com/article/20131118/LIVEWELL16/131118719/1161
http://whatshouldwecallsinglelife.tumblr.com
http://whatshouldwecallmethistime.tumblr.com