Kevin and I met on an intramural soccer team at UNC. We connected instantly, sparks flew and before we knew it we were in a serious relationship. Then came junior year, when I decided to study abroad.
It was something I had wanted to do since I arrived at Carolina, and I knew that if I didn’t I would regret the missed opportunity. And thus my relationship, like many in college, became long-distance.
Long distance relationships are a necessary evil for many college students. They’re never fun or easy, but worth the pain it if you have a strong enough desire to be together. So whether your boyfriend is down the street, across the country or across an ocean, here are a few tips from my experience on how to survive the distance.
1. We live in the age of technology, so use it!
It’s hard to believe that 70 years ago lovers were torn apart by war with no way to communicate except paper and pen. Now we have cell phones, Skype, e-mail, Facebook, Google Voice, texting, AIM and blogs to bring us together in moments.
If your long distance relationship is overseas, consider investing in a MagicJack. The “jack” plugs into the USB drive on any computer and allows the user to make free, unlimited calls to any US telephone number from a landline phone. It assigns the user a US telephone number, so as long as you are at a computer people can call you too. The MagicJack costs about $40 at Target.
Staying connected is an important part of keeping a long-distance relationship alive, and modern day technology makes it easy. Whether you spend an hour on Skype, or simply e-mail each other updates about your days, take advantage of technology.
2. Be creative
Little reminders can go a long way. Send a card, a love letter, a small care package, a drawing or a postcard. Be spontaneous and surprise him. Chances are he might return the favor.
Also try Skype dating. Get dressed up for each other, eat the same kind of food and even watch a movie or an episode of your favorite TV show. Having a date is a good way to connect beyond the daily updates and chats, and is especially fun for anniversaries or holidays.
Kevin and I also tried playing multiplayer online games (try Pogo.com). If you have a good internet connection, it can be a fun activity to do together over Skype. Other ideas that we tried include asking each other random questions and giving each other letters to open every month.
3. Communicate
Clear communication is undoubtedly one of the most important parts of a long-distance relationship.
It’s much easier to misunderstand the meaning of a text or message when you can’t read body language. Don’t assume that your boyfriend will know that you are joking, or that he will automatically pick up on your mood. Make your feelings clear and explain yourself. If we begin to argue, Kevin and I have a code word to let each other know that everything is OK.
It is also important to talk about deeper subjects than the list of your day-to-day activities. When you are apart it’s easy for conversations to become updates instead of meaningful talks. Be sure to talk about things of significance to the two of you so that you don’t lose the emotional intimacy of your relationship.
In the end, the distance has the potential strengthen your relationship. Not being able to have the other person in front of you, and talking through arguments can help you learn to communicate in new ways. You may come to understand each other better and end stronger than you started.
4. Make time
It’s important to make time for each other in long-distance relationships. Here in Sevilla, it’s easy to get caught up in cultural activities, class assignments, going out and travelling. However, for a long-distance relationship to work both sides have to give, make compromises and sacrifice for each other.
That said, I don’t think it’s a good idea to sit at home all day waiting for your boyfriend to get on Skype and miss out on opportunities, such as the reasons you decided to go abroad in the first place. Long-distance relationships are about finding a balance.
A good way to find this balance is to plan a specific time every week when you can talk. If you have a date already set in place it’s easier to plan activities around it while still making adequate time for each other.
5. Have a good base
I think that possibly the most important part of a long-distance relationship is a good base before you start. It’s important to know the person well: how he reacts when he’s mad, how he argues, how he communicates. I wouldn’t consider entering a long-distance relationship unless I had a good base to begin with. Likewise, it’s important to trust. A long-distance relationship without trust is not worth the stress.
Before entering a long-distance relationship, evaluate how serious you are and whether it will be, as the Spanish say, “vale la pena.” However, when and if you do successfully make it through the distance, I sincerely believe that your relationship will be stronger in the end. Just remember to stay positive, creative and clear.