In Minnesota, the end of August always means one thing, THE STATE FAIR! No matter where you are from, there are some things that every state fair has in common. The main parts of any fair are the food, the games/rides, and the classics. All these pieces work together to make each state fair the memorable (and sometimes strange) experience that it is.
1. Bizarre Foods America
A huge part of any state fair is the food. I don’t know what it is about state fairs that brings out the most unusual concoctions imaginable, but fair goers will continuously eat these things that they would never even spare a second glance at in their everyday lives. But for those two weeks out of the year when we are at the Fair we will devour Mealworm Covered Caramel Apples, Python Kebabs, and Chocolate Covered Scorpions as if they are a completely normal treat.
2. Deep Fried and on a Stick? Yes Please!
Sometimes these weird creations are not enough, so the State Fair mentality kicks in and anything and everything that can be deep fried or on a stick IS deep fried or on a stick (or both). I have seen some things on a stick that I never thought were possible including spaghetti and meatballs and deep-fried Pepsi (I don’t know how they do it either). But, bar none, the weirdest would have to be the deep fried butter on a stick. Yes, you read that right. A full stick of butter being bit into like a corn dog. But hey, if that is your treat of choice at the Fair, more power to you.
3. The Line is Worth the Wait
Once you are able to get past these strange creations, there are the foods that are completely normal and everyone loves. If you are from out-of-state and are wondering, “what is the crowd favorite here?” Look at the lines. If the line takes less than 10 minutes, it isn’t worth it. Some of the longest lines at the Minnesota State Fair are for the cheese curds, mini donuts, and Sweet Martha’s cookies, which most people would sell their soul for during the Fair’s off season just to get a bucket.
4. Life or Death
Most of the time, after stuffing yourself, you end up at the midway with all the games. No matter who you are, if you have been to a state fair and played the games, you have a game that you take so seriously that you get physically ill before playing it. For my dad, this game is Whac-A-Mole. Even though he usually is going up against five-year old girls with pigtails and ribbons in their hair, in his mind he is in the ring with Muhammad Ali. And if he loses, he will play until he wins.
5. Styrofoam Filled Cloth with a Face
Once you win one of these games, you get to choose a prize that in the moment looks like the greatest thing in the world, but in actuality is pretty cheaply made. Even with this in mind, you will willingly spend $50 worth of tickets to win that giant banana (if you’ve been to a state fair you know the exact banana I am talking about). But no matter what you win, you carry that itchy, foam filled thing around in the 100-degree heat for the next 6 hours like a badge of honor.
6. The Dinosaur Rides
Surrounding all of these games are the rides. Amongst all of the “new” ones are the classics. These are the rides that have been around since your grandparents came to the Fair. In Minnesota, one of these rides is a giant metal slide that you go down on a burlap sack. Although people call it old fashion or boring, the line continually exceeds that of every other ride at the Fair and is able to make you feel like a five year old every time you go down it.
7. Judgment Day
Some other things that have been around since the early days of every state fair are the contests. Each state fair varies slightly with what is judged, but there is always some building that is filled with everything that won an award. While looking at these pieces, you either continuously say “I could do so much better” or “I am so untalented”. These pieces include anything creative such as paintings, writings, Afghans, pottery, and, the always timeless, baked goods. Without fail, when you walk through this building you are bound to meet one little old lady who will mention that she has the recipe for the “1956 State Fair Blue Ribbon winning jam” and she is darn well proud of it.
8. E-I-E-I-O
Besides the creations that are judged, each fair has several barns filled with animals that are also judged. Cows, pigs, lambs, goats, horses, you name it. If it could be in Old McDonald’s song, it most likely has been judged at a fair. It doesn’t matter that the animals don’t change from year to year, you will still walk through every barn, see every animal, and stand for at least ten minutes staring at the fattest pig each time you go.
9. Ochlophobics Beware
If you hold a deep-seated fear of crowds, I am sorry but you will not survive any state fair ever. Everything listed above draws people to the Fair like a moth to a flame. The streets and sidewalks are covered with people all going different ways with their only thought being everything they have to get and see before the day is over.
10. Walking From Narnia
And what do these hundreds of people bring with them? Hundreds of cars. If you want to get a parking spot near the entrance of the Fair, you better leave at quarter to two in the morning or you are going to have to take two buses, a cab, and a horse drawn carriage to get to the fairgrounds from where you parked before the Fair closes.
Even with all these negatives, annoyances, and oddities, people still continually go back to the State Fair for the fun and excitement that they feel by re-experiencing the wonders that their childhood was made of.
The NC State Fair begins October 16th in Raleigh. Who’s in, collegiettes?