Picture this: a 5’8”, slender, African American, girl with an afro bigger than her, standing on the toes attached to her right foot while trying to fling her left leg and shift her weight across the floor in a way that a) doesn’t make her look like a complete fool – almost a fool, I can deal with- or b) cause serious injury when she lands. Yeah, that girl is me. Why am I doing this you may ask? Well, I decided that I’m going to take up dance as a minor even though I’ve had no technique training, and you know, just wing it because I’m like the best dancer out of my high school/ family/peer group (sorry friends). Little did I know this was no circle in the middle of the party where I could Bobby Shmurda or Lean and Dabb (popular hip-hop social dances). This was real deal.
Professor: “Alright guys we’re going to do body halves and legs swings followed by ab workouts and floor work for our warmup. Then we’re going to do a sequence of a Plié then Relevé into first parallel, Coupé, fall into your backspace and end with some Chainés and jumps.”
Me: *looks around at my classmate’s, half of whom completely understand what’s going on and have been trained all their life, and half of which are scratching their heads like me* “Wait, WHAT? Can you run that by me one more time in an un-foreign language maybe?”
So, let’s back up a little so I can tell you a little bit about how I got to this point. As a college student paying out the nose for tuition, I decided to do everything I could while I’m here. I am trying to obtain every degree and certificate possible, squeezing all the opportunity out of my college experience.
All of my life I have been a dancer. I was that kid that knew all the dances and was teaching my sisters and cousins. I mastered the art of the “Crank Dat Soulja Boy” and knew every offshoot “Crank Dat” dance you could imagine.
Dance for me is a relief from life. Its when you can be free and let loose. Even dances that require much technique, still have that element of expression which is alleviating. In elementary I was on the cheerleading team, back then everyone wanted to be a cheerleader. Like, the cute little uniforms, get to go to all the games, and the pom poms of course. Minus the little ugly cheer shoes, cheerleading was my first taste of a team that danced. Before then I was just the child that people might have considered ADHD (and I mean that in the most non-disrespectful way possible) because I would never sit down.
In middle school and high school, I was the captain of my school’s step team where I fully attained the dance experience. Getting to choreograph my own hip-hop routines and teach them to a team and watch them come alive is breath-taking. Keep in mind I said “Hip-Hop”, that’ll be important later. So dance has always been a crucial part of my life and if I do say so myself I’m pretty good at it.
Okay, fast forward back to today and this whole college stuff. I am double majoring in journalism and human communication and it hit me that, since I’m already here, I might as well pick up a minor in something I love. Guess what that was? DANCE! You guys are really smart, how’d you know? Thinking a minor only takes 21 hours and I’m a sophomore, I felt like it was the perfect move for me.
So this semester, I’m all excited. I have enrolled in two dance classes: intro to dance (the fundamentals) and Modern 1. Though I am a hip-hop dancer, I have a true love and appreciation for all forms of dance. I plan to take modern, ballet, jazz, and even tap while I’m here. I’m telling all my friends, buying stretchy pants and tights, like I am pumped at this point.
Each Monday and Wednesday, I’m walking around looking all athletic, everyone asks where I’m going because I usually walk around campus in heels and dressed up. I’m just like “Oh you know, I’ve got dance later!” *flips fro*.
However, I was not expecting my modern dance class to kick my butt like it is. My professor is AMAZING at her craft. Though this is one modern class and there is people enrolled with different levels of dance competence, she feels we are all competent enough to catch on to the steps. I’m thinking, okay, it must not be that hard. I can do those little jumps and elegantly fall and recover. Can’t be that tough. WRONG!
She’s giving us sequence after sequence to do across the room in groups where everyone can see us. I’m a dancer, but I’ve never done this kind of thing so I felt really at a disadvantage since I had no formal training. For the first five weeks, I would always go in the last group so that I could master the choreography and not look like a fool out there. Needless to say, my clever brain failed me. I still went up there looking silly, and really started questioning my dancer life.
Each class my professor see’s how we beat ourselves up for not doing it 100% correctly. To end each class, she always says “Class is NOT about perfection. Stop it. Stop trying to achieve it. Class is to learn, to fail, to try, and to grow. I don’t want to see perfection. All you have to do it give it all you’ve got”.
After being so frustrated with myself, I decided to take my dance professor’s advice. The next class I came in jumped in the first group for every sequence we had. When we were all facing the front mirror, I stood right in the front beside the professor and really just tried to do my best. Luckily i’m good at picking up choreography rapidly, so I played to my strengths. I remembered the entire sequence and being in the first group or in the front made me pull out all my confidence and develop an alter ego that didn’t care about what I looked like to other people or the perfection of what I was doing. I am my worst critic but I decided not to beat myself up over a missed step.
I’ve been doing this for a couple classes now and I’m sure my professor has noticed a difference. She encourages me by saying “Yes, great Destiny” when I’m in my group and that only makes me feel better in my ability to learn and grow into a better modern dancer.
It was in that moment, after that first class of me taking initiative to go for it, that I received a message. Yes, in the mess I usually make when jumping across the floor, I attained a message of courage.
I know we all want to say that we are not afraid to fail. If you would have asked me that same day, I would have said “everyone fails, it’s perfectly normal and you should be okay with that and accept it.” But honestly, I’ve fooled myself.
The way I’ve been going about this class, trying to get the steps perfect, just shows me that I was in fact very afraid to fail. Not only because I didn’t want to look silly in front of my peers and my professor, but more so, because I am a dancer! I didn’t want to let myself down because this particular style of dance has me stumped. I love being perfect at everything I do. How can I not know these steps or the terminology? It just didn’t sit right with me that i wasn’t amazing at it like I thought I’d be. I really just had to let go of this thought of being perfect at everything. Once I started going in the first group and not overthinking it, I felt much better. I didn’t care that it wasn’t dance concert ready, I was moving and learning and believe it or not, improving.
Moral of the story is take risks and step out of your comfort zone people. Be in the very first group to go, forget to Plié before you turn, so you’re a count earlier than everyone else. And when you land, land strong and proud.
Whatever your “modern dance class” is in life, attack it head on. It’s okay to be imperfect because you live and you learn. Don’t limit your own success by going last trying to perfect the steps. The steps, timing, and success will come, as long as you are willing to throw yourself (literally in my case) in that situation and TRY!