From the first time I saw you, I knew that I wanted you to be mine. It was like something you see in movies. For so long you go unnoticed, and then one day it happened. You noticed me. Everything between us was so easy. It was something I had never experienced before. There was some kind of unspoken connection that I could not explain to anyone that asked me about you. You checked off every single thing on my checklist. You were so perfect in every way that I was constantly trying to figure out your one downfall, but I couldn’t. So instead of continuing to look, I stopped. And I slowly, but surely began to tear down my walls and let you see the real me.
Every time we were together it was like the whole world stopped. All that mattered to me was you and all that mattered to you was I. And it was the best feeling. The way you looked at me was something I had only ever hoped to experience. It was different than how any other person I had ever met had looked at me. When our eyes met, it was always like you had something on your heart that you wanted to say, but couldn’t because we had only known each other for such a short amount of time. You could make me smile like none other. Your smile was contagious. Every time you smiled I smiled. The time we spent together was never wasted. We were always talking and getting to know what makes the other who they are. Those were my favorite times; because I had never let someone I barely knew, get that close to me. Neither of us had ever felt the way we were feeling about each other before, and in some ways it was scary, but in others it was great. Everyone thought that we were perfect together. Everyone could tell that I was the happiest I had been since I had came to college because of you. But, one day, things changed.
I didn’t know what was going on with us. We went from being perfect to nonexistent. You said you “needed space” for a personal issue, so I gave it to you. I didn’t think twice because I trusted you. After a week I thought that maybe I was the issue, and I guess I was because you broke things off. Maybe I should have seen it coming, but how could I when nothing was wrong with us. That “break up” was also like something you see in the movies. The boy either stops being interested, or they run because they are scared of their feelings. We were never technically “together”, but in some ways you broke my heart for the first time.
I want to hate you for what you did. For blindsiding me and deciding that you just couldn’t be with me right now. I want to be able to stop thinking about you all the time, and wondering if you are doing the same. I want to be able to not have to smile through the heartbreak when I see you and act like I’m okay when I’m not. Sometimes I want to take everything back, to not let myself be so vulnerable around you. But I cant. I can`t change any of it. And it makes my heart ache.
So, to the boy who I almost gave my heart to, I`m glad I didn’t. Your actions speak louder than any words you ever said to me. And, maybe you don’t see it now, but I just might be your biggest regret one day. You left with a piece of my heart, and it’s a big piece that you don’t deserve.
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