The story is always the same no matter who’s telling it; “I don’t understand em’ man…..I just can’t figure them out.”
Sure, that’s a pretty broad generalization, but there’s some truth to it. Every guy has that thought, or something similar, run through his head at some point or another. It’s true. We don’t understand women. It’s very possible that us understanding them isn’t going to lead to surefire success. And on top of that, success is a very ambiguous term.
Is success talking one of them into bed? For some guys maybe. Is it having them at your disposal when you want something to do? Where you can pull up your contact list and line one of them up if the situation calls for it? Maybe. Or is it meeting them, talking to them, taking them on a few dates, getting that panicked feeling because you think you really like them, and then dating them?….and then talking them into bed (it’s a sad truth you just have to accept I guess….we like sex. Sue us.)? Maybe. There are some guys who would take the first two options and give a nod of approval. I’d like to think there are way more that prefer the third option. I might be naive. Based off my friends, option 3 seems to be the prevailing line of thinking though. That’s admittedly a pretty small sample size, but I’m going with it.
So let’s say you’re one of the guys who like option 1 and 2. Good for you. I can’t do what you do. That’s not to say I haven’t tried, and maybe succeeded to a certain degree. When it’s all said and done though, I just end up feeling like a jackass. So I think it’s fair to have an opinion on it since I gave it a shot. My opinion is that for every option 1 and 2 guy out there, the option 3 guys pay for their actions. Granted, the option 3 guys can do some damage too. I’ve been there and done that as well.
Our generation (the late 80s and early 90s kids) is sort of weird when it comes to dating. The stereotype is supposed to be that women struggle to get a guy committed. Guys just want to live a carefree and single life where they can mess around with whatever walks into their path. As a woman, thinking that’s the truth has got to kill their enthusiasm for being in a relationship. And then to have that belief reinforced by the option 1 and 2 guys out there? That basically makes it gospel doesn’t it? With our generation, the belief in that stereotype seems to have manifested itself in some interesting ways.
Women have taken this supposed truth, and reacted in the most natural way possible: They’re doing the same thing. That’s not to say that they’re snatching any piece of meat that wanders into their line of sight and having their way with it. However they’re sure as hell not putting themselves into a situation where they think they’re most likely going to get screwed over. Men can’t be relied upon in a relationship, so why should we bother trying to make this work?
This leaves the option 3 guys in a really weird spot. They’ve grown up thinking there were certain things they could do that would land them a nice girlfriend to take home to Mom and Dad. You meet a cool girl, you get to know her a little bit, take her on a few dates, if you like her (and it’s mutual) you start dating. That’s when a whole new set of problems comes up. Maybe you don’t actually click like you thought. Maybe you just figure out that you two don’t work as well together as you would have liked. Sure, it sucks when that happens, but that’s what dating is for. You give it a shot, and if it doesn’t work, then hey, you tried, learned some things, and you move on. If it does work, then that’s great. The trouble seems to be actually getting the girl on some dates and getting to the relationship portion of things. It feels like our generation is leaving a lot of these potential opportunities on the table.
“I’m really sorry, but I’m just not sure I want to get into anything serious. The way things went with the last guy I dated just wasn’t good for me. You seem great, but I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”
Yeah, you’re right. Because the last guy treated you like crap, I probably will too. He cheated on you? Oh, yeah in that case it’s pretty much guaranteed that I’ll do the same. How many times? 3 different girls? Oh God, good thing you didn’t give this a shot, because I was aiming for at least 5. Hell, let’s just be really honest and go with 7.
You can probably see that I’ve done this a couple times. Some of the frustration comes from my own ego. Of course I think I would be a far better boyfriend than that last guy. Actually, I know I would be. Take that however you’d like. Maybe you think, “Where do you get off thinking you’re so much better?” Or maybe, “Why do you think you’re entitled to even have a chance?” But think about it like this: Would you rather me be a guy who thinks, “Yeah I’m exactly like that last guy. I’ll run you through the emotional wringer and leave you out to dry after I’ve had my fun.” I’d hope not. I think for a lot of guys, it comes naturally to think that they’re going to be the guy who does right be the girl. The one who doesn’t fulfill that stereotype.
To be discounted before you even get a chance is frustrating. I get the apprehension. I really do. But there have been girls who walked away from me and directly to an option 1 and 2 guy. When that happens, the stereotype is further reinforced, and just keeps getting stronger and stronger.
The other thing you might think is that maybe the girls just didn’t like me, or didn’t find themselves attracted to me. Sorry to come off like a conceited jerk again, but I don’t think that’s usually the problem. Apparently I’m good looking enough to make out with. I’ve established that much. I know, what a douchebag I am for thinking so highly of myself, but just like how some guys reinforce certain ideas in women, women have reinforced certain ideas in my head too. Sorry?
So you’re telling me you won’t let an okay looking guy take you on a date? Pay for your dinner? Actually try and get to know you? And why? Because the last guy was a jerk? You won’t even go on one date before you decide I’m just going to do the same thing? Really? That just seems odd to me.
I’m an okay looking guy, I go to college, have aspirations, goals, can carry a conversation, and I’m willing to pay for your dinner just so I can have the chance to see what you’re all about….and I can’t get a damn date? Dateless? Single as single gets? And on top of that I tried being an option 1 and 2 guy and just found out it’s not for me? This sort of sucks.
Like I mentioned earlier, men always say how they don’t understand women. Maybe this is part of the reason why. This is all just my opinion though. I could be completely off base. Maybe you disagree with everything I’ve said. If that’s the case, then let me buy you dinner and you can explain why I’m wrong…..oh wait…the last guy you went out with turned out to be a total dick?…..No, you’re right, we shouldn’t even bother.