1. Actions speak louder than words.
Some people are really good at bullsh*tting and they can keep up an act for months. But even the best bullsh*tter can’t continue his charade forever, especially when it comes time to act on all of the things he’s been saying. Don’t get roped into the bull; remember that actions speak louder than words.
2. Trust your gut.
This is true for every situation and it’s particularly important when there’s a conflict between the mind and the heart. If you’re picking up bad vibes from someone, don’t be too quick to blow it off. Likewise, if a person/relationship is perfect on paper, but for some reason your heart isn’t in it, you have to get out. If you simply aren’t feeling it, don’t try to fake it. Trust yourself and your instincts.
3. Sometimes being too open hearted can get you into trouble.
I often err on the side of being extremely open to new people and experiences. This way, I never feel as though I might be missing out on something great. I feel like for the most part it’s a good way to be, but not always. Being too open hearted can screw you over, or in the very least make your life much more complicated than it needs to be. Giving everyone who’s interested in you a chance can unintentionally lead people on and ultimately hurt both of you. Sometimes you may want to explore a few different options because it’s hard to know right away when you meet someone if you want to pursue a relationship or not. This is a tricky line to walk because even if you don’t mean to, it might seem like you’re just being a player. There comes a point when you might be being too open, and I’m still working on finding the appropriate amount.
4. You can’t make everyone happy, and sometimes trying to do so ends up doing more damage than good.
Sometimes when you try to make everyone happy, you end up misleading people and hurting them more. Good intentions can sometimes do more harm than good. Trying to be nice to someone who’s interested in you without explicitly telling them what’s up can make them think you’re more interested than you are. It’s easy to let it go too far and when it eventually comes out that you aren’t really interested in them, they’ll be much more hurt than they otherwise would’ve been.
5. Be straight up about where you’re at and what you want.
This is the best solution I’ve found so far to my “being too open” dilemma. If you’re talking to someone or to multiple people, make sure everyone knows what’s up. Don’t pretend to be exclusively talking to someone if you aren’t. Being open and honest will prevent you from leading people on and hurting them. Sometimes it’s hard to be straight up with what you want, especially if you know that the truth can potentially hurt someone, but it’s better to be honest. This puts the ball in the other person’s court – what they choose to do with this knowledge is up to them.
6. Sometimes you have to put yourself first.
Not much else has to be said here. It’s okay to be selfish sometimes. It’s okay to put your needs first and take care of yourself. You shouldn’t sacrifice your health and happiness just to temporarily please someone else. Neglecting your own happiness will eventually leave you feeling drained and emotionally exhausted.
7. Don’t waste your time trying to make people appreciate you if they never will.
I spent a lot of time trying to be especially kind towards people who treated me like crap in the hopes that they would realize I deserve to be treated better. I’ve lived my life by the saying that you should be kind to the unkind people because they need it the most; however, there comes a point when living by this motto does nothing but bring negativity to your life. Some people will continue to treat you like trash no matter how kind you are. Eventually you have to stop trying to make them appreciate you and remove them from your life.
8. Don’t take anyone’s sh*t.
This is closely related to point 7. If you’re too nice to people who treat you poorly, they’re going to think they can continue to treat you poorly and get away with it. Don’t let people walk all over you. Stand up for yourself, even if it makes you feel like you’re being a b*tch.
9. There are f*ckboys out there, but there are also some really great guys.
I had the fortune to be in a relationship with a wonderful guy before I dated any f*ckboys. Even so, it’s easy to get discouraged and begin to believe all guys are terrible. Don’t fall into this trap. Some guys actually are good and even if you haven’t yet found a good guy, try not to lose faith. They do exist and it’s not fair to generalize all males based on some bad apples.
10. Just because someone gets jealous and overprotective doesn’t mean they care about you.
This is one of the most confusing things about f*ckboys to me—they always get super jealous when you talk/flirt with other guys, yet they don’t want a relationship. They somehow seem to think that they can claim you without being exclusive with you. It’s easy to make the mistake of interpreting their jealousy and protectiveness as them caring for you. Remember that f*ckboys like to be in control; they want you to be loyal to them while they’re free to do whatever they please. Recognize when this is the case and get the hell out.