I ONLY wear black. Period. No, I’m not emo, Goth, or whatever other names you’d like to call me. I just like to wear black. Why? Well, let’s step into my office and have a little chat, shall we?
1. It reflects the color of my soul
I’m a social butterfly, don’t get me wrong. But, most days I just want peace and quiet. And by most days, I mean everyday except Sundays. And, nothing says F***-off more than our trusty color Mr. Black. I’ve got too much on my social, biological, and psychological plate already. I’m not really in the mood to deal with anyone else’s problems.
2. I’m lazy and I know it and I embrace it
I give thousands of props to those people who can manage to get up at the crack of dawn and actually pick out an outfit in an array of colors and still match perfectly. God knows I’m incapable of even staying awake in the shower at 5:30 a.m. So, picking out a colorful outfit is definitely NOT on my agenda. Black is the only color that both suits my mood in the morning and is kind enough on my mussy brain to have me strutting the streets like Audrey Hepburn.
3. I’m clumsy
To be honest y’all…I’m one clumsy gal. I’ll spill various things like ketchup, coffee, soup, etc. on my clothes throughout the day. That’s just how I am, and sadly I can’t help it. So instead of having to walk around with a dirty (insert color) shirt or skirt, I wear black to hide all that.
4. I’m a dancer. This means all black practices.
I’ve danced all my life (seriously). Not one of my instructors ever let my 5 year-old, 15 year-old, or 19 year-old me wear anything but black to practice. It just didn’t make sense or make life any easier for my instructors to pick out any flailing arms and legs from a crowd of neon pink, red, or green dancing girls. As a result, I grew into the habit of buying black (insert clothing type) every time I went shopping. It just kept me sane and financially stable if I did this. But you know, this was just my experience.
5. My personality is already bright enough
If I had a nickel for every time one of my friends described me as loud, insane, or extremely random, I’d be richer than Oprah. Someone as nuts as me CAN’T afford to attract any more attention to herself than already received. Seriously, the last thing I need or even want is a bright outfit drawing anymore attention than needed.
6. I like how it slims down my “assets”
I’ve been blessed/cursed with voluptuous hips. I love the curves my hips give me, but hate the over-exaggerated plumpness I get too. My bust is NOT big at all, but my hips are huge…this is a no-no. So what better way to slim down quickly than by wearing black?
7. I’m not dressing for YOU
I need to get something straight. I. Do not. Dress. For. Anyone. But . Me. The last time I checked, I’m the one who bought MY clothes. And I’m the one wearing them, so why should I care if you don’t like the way I dress?
8. I never need to worry about being out of style: I’m timeless
Black just never goes out of style.
9. It keeps me warm in the winter
I live in Chicago; that means insanely cold winters with blizzards, falls are basically mini-winters, and springs are still winter. Also, I’m like a lizard. I need to constantly be warm or death soon follows. OK, maybe not death , but I do get really cold really fast.
Here’s a pic of me 365 days a year. Enjoy.