When I was younger, my grandfather pulled a flower-embroidered handkerchief out of his pocket. 11-year-old me laughed at the thought of my grandfather carrying around something so girly. I asked him why he kept it in his pocket, and he replied, “In case your grandmother ever needs it.”
That one comment has always stuck with me. The fact that a simple gesture such as carrying an extra hanky in your pocket could show just how much love my grandfather had for my grandmother.
So I want to know. At what point did these acts of chivalry vanish? Because, honestly, I haven’t seen them in quite a while.
It seems that nowadays both men and women are guilty of skipping past the romantic parts of a relationship, and heading straight for ‘home run.’ Modern-day dating has turned itself backwards: we hook up before we say “I love you,” or even “I like you.”
The other day I was sitting in class when I overheard two girls talking about their weekend. Girl 1 apparently hooked up with a boy she had been crushing on for a while (you go Glenn Coco). But Girl 2 brought up a very valid point.
“Do you even know if he likes you?”
That question was met with a few seconds of awkward silence, and then a quick shift to a different topic.
Hooking up with someone before establishing a true relationship can lead to much more heartbreak than you originally bargained for. Sure, you may think that the person you’re getting down-and-dirty with is just as romantically unattached as you, but that’s not always the case. Many people conform to the hook-up culture because they feel peer pressure to follow this generation’s ‘norms,’ but that doesn’t mean they aren’t hoping for more out of the relationship. And you never know, you could find yourself falling for your friend-with-benefits when they might not feel the same way (cue Mila Kunis & Justin Timberlake), and though those stories always end well in rom coms, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll end in the “happily ever after” that you’re looking for in real life.
What happened to the boy woo-ing the girl before trying to do so much as hold her hand? What happened to the man that would lay his coat over a puddle, simply to keep the woman’s shoes dry? What happened to the couple that would end their first date with a simple kiss, rather than waking up in the morning with regret?
In our generation of tech-savvy 20-something-year-olds, it seems easier to take the emotion out of dating. You don’t have to worry about finding the ‘right’ guy, you can just go to Tinder and swipe right on the least-creepy dude you see. You don’t have to call someone {or even talk to them face-to-face}, you can just text them those flirty messages you could never say out loud. Instead of falling in love, you can just have a one-night stand.
If you’re comfortable with this new hook-up culture and you feel no problem with being DTF before you DTR, then by all means, go ahead (you do you, girl). As for me? I’m just looking for a man with an extra handkerchief hidden in his pocket.
Thumbnail by Tord Sollie on Unsplash.