Dear Male Delivery,
What should girls know/do when they are arguing with their boyfriend?
It understandable for me as a guy to know that any sort of defense on the guy’s part in regards to arguing may be taken with a grain of salt for my female audience. However, ladies, bear with me.
In my experience with arguing, I have found that I am wrong a lot, but many times (logically speaking) I am right and (emotionally speaking) wrong. Indeed, the joke is that the woman is always right when it comes to the verbal warfare that ensues in every relationship. I think in a way this can be correct, but only when it relates to feelings and not specifically things argued.
For example, I could be 100% correct about my answer in an argument, but if I convey it in a harsh manner (maybe yelling or sarcastically talking), I have quickly found myself in the losing side.
Guys need to understand all of that, but, ladies, here are a few things you need to understand or just begin to think about:
You may be wrong
Yes, I said it. You may be completely wrong about whatever you are arguing (whether he is ignoring you, looking at other girls, etc.). There is a fortunate side of this position. Are we, as humans, right all of the time? By no means. It is part of knowing your faults and shortcomings and also knowing how to overcome them. Always bear in the back of your mind that being wrong is a possibility. Rather than creating constant doubt, it produces humility in the way you act and think. Be humble. Admit you are wrong and ask for forgiveness. It is a respectable and good thing to do. If he responds to this answer in a superior manner, then it is ok for you to manifest that righteous anger.
You may be misunderstanding his tone
Speaking from experience, guys argue and even talk in a very logical and objective manner. What I mean is that most of the time the things we say hold absolutely NO emotional weight. You may think that a simple disagreement may contain some sort of haughty or sassy tone, but in fact it is our simple and straightforward response or rebuttal. It is as simple as that. So, take it as simple it is. Do not feel undermined or even back-seated by his language because this may be the complete opposite of what he is trying to do.
You may be right
“Yay! I knew I was right the whole time and I beat you.” Congratulations! You’ve won the argument of whether the villain in X Men: Origins was Kevin Bacon or someone else. Now, you and IMDB can sit back, have a drink and boast about your comparatively small knowledge of arbitrary movie knowledge. You beat him! Seriously, if you feel so much higher than boyfriend because of something like this, please just don’t talk. We (guys) love respect, and nothing tells us we are less of a man more than bragging to our face or even to the friends (avoid the last thing at all cost!). We can be wrong. Furthermore, we must also embrace the possibility of this fact. However, if we are, do not shove it in our face. That’s obnoxious.
Lastly, do not find some random (and deeply painful) fault of ours to say to us if we are right to get revenge. This hurts very deeply and it pushes us away pretty quickly.
Overall, approach an argument with the right and loving attitude and be respectful and forgiving.
Sincerely,
Your Real Live College Guy
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