Baseball. For the uninitiated, it’s the one where men in tight pants and gloves hit a ball with a stick and then the others chase it. It’s spawned one of the greatest fashion trends in history for hipsters—the baseball T-shirt—and has given generations of kids the opportunity to call themselves athletes by just standing in the outfield, ready to “field a pop-fly.” Whatever that means, Dad. Our fathers love it, America loves it, and maybe you could love it, too. Below I’ve described what I learned at my first UF baseball game, including pros and cons for each.
1. The MascotsI wasn’t aware that the giant alligator costumes would be there walking among the crowd, terrorizing the innocent, taking pictures with the kids and tricking people into hugging them, but they were.Pros: I assume the person underneath the costume is getting paid. Maybe it’s helping them raise a family or go to school or something.Cons: Mascots are horrible, scary, polyester suits with an unknown human being inside of them.
2. FoodBaseball games reek of fried foods, which is a magical thing to experience for the first time.Pros: There are so few opportunities to eat a corn dog, nachos and non-Coke brand beverages in one place, so live your life to the fullest.Cons: Nachos are a simple food and should not cost more than $5.
3. The PlayersThe talented people we go to school with are really good at the old stick-ball game.Pros: Each time a batter is up and his chosen walk-up song comes on, you have the chance to analyze him psychologically with your friends. You can even start keeping graphs of your results. Does tempo affect swing accuracy? Are the ones who choose a slow R&B song just looking for love?Cons: There’s a million of them. If I remember correctly, the team in The Sandlot only had nine kids and they were the best in the neighborhood.
4. The Length of the GameHalftime apparently isn’t a thing in baseball. It seemed like I was there for days, but when I was bailing out early in the fifth inning, it had only been an hour and a half.Pros: You now have time to reflect on all of your life choices while your butt melts into the bleachers.Cons: The sun’s out and you can only hear the same walk-up songs so many times before exploding.
Sports are great, if you’re into that sort of thing. My first time at a baseball game showed me that I was more into the idea of baseball rather than baseball itself and that I never grew out of my deep fear of mascots, but the self discovery was worth it. Baseball’s a great way to try out being a sports fan, and like the players, you don’t have to do a whole lot while you’re there.
Photo source: movies.com