By now, most of us are well versed in the species of guys that roam the UF campus (if not, please refer to the original guide before moving on to the more advanced guy-spotting edition). With a campus as big as ours, it only makes sense for there to be a diverse selection of fauna to observe. If you’ve already mastered the basic types, take a look at this next field guide to see if you can spot some of the more elusive UF breeds.
1. The Camo-Wearing, Truck-Driving OutdoorsmanDescription: An indigenous breed of the American Southeast and a true red-blooded American, the Outdoorsman has a certain type of raw masculine appeal mostly associated with trucks, rifles and Duck Dynasty. He’s burly and strong and is the most likely to start wrestling a gator.Habitat: By Lake Alice and the other usually uninhabited parts of campus. You might find him on one of the trails alone or with a group of like-minded individuals. More commonly found at Walmart over Target and Chik-fil-A over Starbucks. Distinguishing features: Wearing camo or flannel and a baseball cap or a cowboy hat. His large truck will either have an American or a Confederate flag on it, depending on how Southern he is.Pros: If you’re looking for a real manly man, this is it.Cons: Given the choice of you or his truck, he’ll pick the truck.If you’re interested: Ask him about his truck. Listen as he goes on about his hunting and fishing trips.
2. The Always-Barefoot Vegan HippieDescription: Mellow and soft spoken, the hippie is in touch with nature and connected with the universe. Or so he says. He won’t be the type to shove his beliefs in your face, but if you ask, he can deliver a long sermon on the evils of meat and capitalism. He’s really into natural healing and everything that goes along with that.Habitat: Sitting in the grass in front of the Plaza of the Americas or the North Lawn. He never misses a Krishna lunch, and can often be found wandering the Gainesville farmer’s market.Distinguishing features: Besides the trademarked barefootness, he usually sprouts longer hair and flowy boho clothes.Pros: He’s super in touch with his feelings.Cons: He probably showers once a month.If you’re interested: Show interest in vegan foods and ask for tips on how to make your own quinoa.
3. The Future PoliticianDescription: Confident and sure of his direction, the future politician knows what he wants and knows how to get it. Though some might be a hybrid of dudebro, others are independent and have a definitive nine-step plan for securing their seats in Congress.Habitat: Always passing out fliers on Turlington Plaza or the North Lawn.Distinguishing features: Will be wearing the T-shirt or tank top of the organization that he’s with, neatly parted hair and a killer confident smile.Pros: He’s charismatic and charming and wants to make a difference in the world.Cons: He will constantly shove his beliefs in your face.If you’re interested: Take the flier and ask him about his plans for making a difference on campus.
4. The Working GuyDescription: Not exclusive to UF and may be a subset of other types, the working guy is someone you see while he’s at work. Maybe he’s filling your latte or making your sub, but he’s always flirty and will smile at you. Is this a good thing? Well, it depends on a lot of factors—how quickly you need to get to class, how cute he actually is and how badly you just want your food.Habitat: One of the campus dining locations or the bookstore.Distinguishing Features: In the designated uniform of his workplace.Pros: You get to tell your friends about how the cashier at Moe’s always flashes a grin at you.Cons: If you really just want to get your food and leave, you’re going to have to deal with awkward smiling.If you’re interested: Smile back and hope that you get a romantic-comedy moment where he writes his number on your coffee cup.
5. That One Guy From High SchoolDescription: You don’t know why, but out of everyone from your high school there’s always this one guy that you keep running into. You never knew him really well or talked to him outside a group setting, but for some reason, he always has a class with you or near you and he’ll always say “Hi.”Habitat: Wherever you least expect him to be.Distinguishing features: Will depend on your hometown and high school.Pros: You have a common ground with him.Cons: There’s a reason you wanted to get away from your hometown.If you’re interested: Joke about classes from high school and how different Gainesville is from your hometown.
Hopefully this guide will help you in identifying more male species of UF. As always, happy guy spotting, collegiettes!