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Talk Dirty to Me

Her Campus Placeholder Avatar Helen Irias
Her Campus Placeholder Avatar Rachel Miller
This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UCSB chapter.

 

 

Musical genius and sensual god Jason Derulo’s latest hit is not only obscenely catchy (that saxophone riff, though) but in my case, pretty thought-provoking. Is it just assumed that everyone around the world knows how to talk dirty?

Maybe I’m completely alone in this, but not once in all my experience have I had a response for a guy who has told me to “say something dirty” other than awkward laughter. And that reaction rarely intensifies the mood. I decided it was time to solve this problem once and for all, so naturally, I consulted the oracle of all knowledge, Google.

Lucky for me, there has been ample research on this topic, and after hours of scouring the internet and practicing lines in the mirror, I have mastered a dialect dirtier than an Isla Vista bathtub.

The compilation of selected publications below should push you towards a similar level of expertise.

  • First, choose your motive. To please or be pleased, that is the question! Cosmo breaks it down for you right here:

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/tips-moves/how-to-talk-dirty-1009

  • Stumped on exactly what to say? Get some inspiration from this fun, interactive slideshow:

http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2013/09/8-crazy-hot-things-to-say-in-bed#slide=1

  • Sex coach (yeah, that’s actually his job title) Sean Jameson points out that it is not only what you say, but how you say it. You may have a whole mental backlog of provocative phrases, but you can’t just state them the same way you’d say “That’s a cute top”–unless the top is actually like, super cute. Sean explains:

http://www.yourtango.com/experts/sean-jameson/dirty-talk-examples

  • Got a long-distance lover? Wikipedia has everything. Apparently phone sex can be taught in fewer steps than making a basic friendship bracelet.

http://www.wikihow.com/Talk-Dirty-on-the-Phone

I think I’ve covered all the bases necessary to help you girls hit a home run. Tuck this naughty knowledge into your proverbial briefcases, and should you encounter Mr. Derulo in a foreign country, you will have no struggle communicating with him.

Now go rinse off, you nasty animal.

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Rachel is a senior at UC Santa Barbara and studies Communication and Global Peace and Security. Rachel is from a small, beautiful town in southern California called Palos Verdes. However, Palos Verdes is just one of the many places Rachel has lived. Rachel spent her childhood moving and traveling all over the world, living in places such as Indianapolis, Indiana; Santiago, Chile; Vienna, Austria; and Orlando, Florida. Rachel has found her heart and her home in California, choosing to spend her college years in sunny Santa Barbara. However, Rachel continued her wanderlust when she studied abroad in Barcelona, Spain in Fall 2012. At UCSB, Rachel is an immensely dedicated and involved member of her sorority Kappa Kappa Gamma, where she held the positions of Panhellenic Delegate, Inter-Greek Counselor, Rho Gam, and a member of the Nominating Slate. Best Buddies, a nonprofit organization dedicated to creating opportunities for one-to-one friendships, integrated employment, and leadership development for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities, is a passion of Rachel's, as she is their Social Media Coordinator as well as an active and proud member. As a member of the Lambda Pi Eta Communication Honors Society, Rachel is able to implement her prowess and affinity for communication and communication-related issues. When Rachel is not writing, participating in Kappa events, or volunteering, you can find her in the gym, on the soccer field, watching Modern Family, or cooking. Rachel's love for sports, food, and writing often times go hand-in-hand, as one may see in her weekly blogs. For the past two summers, Rachel has been freelance writing for the Los Angeles Times, and hopes to continue her career pursuit of journalism after she graduates. Rachel is elated to be a part of Her Campus's fabulous team and loves every moment of it!