Though I am a student quite dedicated to her grades, I often play hooky. To further justify why I do so, I have compiled a list of my most common excuses so that you, too, can be as guilt-free as a Skinny Cow ice cream bar. Enjoy! And if you’re reading this in the midst of a lecture, I’m sorry I didn’t get to you sooner.
1. It’s Raining (Now, Yesterday, or Even Tomorrow)
Truthfully speaking, it rained last night. However, after walking out onto my wet patio this morning, my damp socks and I both knew that nothing productive would come of this day. If you find yourself forecasted for a drizzle, I fully support your decision to stay home. Personally, cloudy days are my favorite, so I’m not going to waste this beautiful weather on Medieval Literature (sorry, Beowulf). Nevertheless, it’s a better excuse if you hate this type of weather: you can’t be bothered to wear the hoodie that you “borrowed” from a guy last week to shield your hair–what if he saw you on campus wearing it as a protective poncho? And, if it’s dreary, chances are you’re already in UGGS…and everyone knows suede and water just don’t fare well together.
2. I Shacked it at My Boyfriend’s
It’s Thursday (AKA basically the weekend) and I have an 8 a.m.. The only problem is, I’m a little busy spooning and enjoying my first actual relationship with someone who doesn’t have a drug dependency or mental instability problems. Also, he lives like four blocks further from campus than I do. Too perilous of a treck for this gal. Furthermore, my lecture is in the chemistry building (aka Egypt). If you find yourself in a situation like this, think to yourself, as I do often, “I’ll only be young once, what will I remember more–Biopsychology or the possibility of free breakfast?” Definitely the latter–cuddling always wins out.
3. I Have Homework Due Tonight for the Class I’m Not Attending at this Very Moment
We’ve all been there, and we will be there again…most likely next week. A project that was assigned ages ago has been collecting dust in the corners of your mind, and you suddenly realize that the dust bunnies must be swept away immediately because it’s due in a mere six hours. To make the grade, you have to do the work; and, at this point, doing the work means not going to class. Oh, darn!
4. I’m Having an Anxiety Attack Because I’m Missing Class
Normally I feel no remorse for skipping class, but this morning was different. I woke up early, made coffee, ate breakfast, and then lost all motivation to make the long voyage to my lecture hall. “The notes are online,” I reassured myself, “it will be fine.” But would it, really? The midterm is next week! The obvious way to soothe my panicked mind was to make a cup of tea and get back into bed. I told myself that I would just study the lecture slides really hard the day before the final, during which I’ll be sure to skip another class to make time to learn everything that happened in this one!
5. I’m Sleeping
Does this need further explanation? It doesn’t matter why I’m sleeping–maybe I went out last night, maybe I watched Netflix alone and got ten hours of sleep but am still tired, maybe my boyfriend wasn’t responding to my texts, maybe my friend’s boyfriend wasn’t responding to her texts, maybe I was mentally planning European excursions for when I’m abroad–it doesn’t matter. I’m sleeping.
6. I Feel Like Writing a New Article
Today, I used more than one of these brilliant excuses to ease my mind about not being in attendance for class. This advice was written while I sat on my bed, drank Chamomile tea, listened to David Bowie on Spotify, and neglected my Calculus lecture. Surprisingly though, I did manage to secure two internship interviews in this time…if they only knew!