If it weren’t for these miniscule details, it’d be me out there winning that gold medal.
1. The childhood. When I was four years old I played once a week on a soccer team called the Lightning Ladies. My coach didn’t provide wrathful training and motivation; he provided Caprisuns and Doritos.
2. The dedication. I’m sound asleep at 4:30am–MAYBE if coffee shops opened earlier then I could have made it to the rink.
3. The ice. Falling is a natural part of life–I do it about four to six times a day, but that’s on pavement. Or tiled floors. Ice is like a bar of soap, but as cold and unforgiving as Victoria Beckham.
4. The blades. I tend to stay away from sharp objects when possible. Slicing an apple is like walking a tightrope. How am I supposed to put on my skates and keep all of my limbs?
5. This:
Happy Olympics!