This is a busy week for Gauchos. Not only are there midterms for many of us, but Halloween’s coming up, as is Delirium. But this week also holds a large significance to the asexual community, because it’s Asexual Awareness Week. And in the spirit of AAW, here’s a quick go-to fact sheet for anyone (ace or otherwise) who needs to know the need-to-know’s.
1. Asexuality means experiencing sexual attraction to nobody.
Sure, we can appreciate the aesthetics of an attractive person (read: aesthetic attraction is real), but the same goes for rippling waterfalls or the background artwork from Avatar: The Last Airbender.
2. It’s a spectrum.
Demisexuality is the lack of sexual attraction until a strong emotional connection with that person is formed (this is not the same as being picky or waiting for love). Gray-asexuals are people who don’t completely identify as asexual but still fall on the spectrum.
Moreover, different asexuals view sex differently. Some are sex-repulsed, meaning they dislike even the thought of sex, and some are sex-positive, meaning they’re okay with sex and even willing to have it on occasion. Some are neutral.
3. It’s not just a phase.
There seems to be this misconception that asexuals are lying, going through a phase, or the result of some traumatic encounter from their childhood. And yes, this is the case for some people, but applying this assumption to all asexuals when the majority of them are not can be harmful. The fact is that it’s a sexual orientation that many recognize (even if they can’t define it) as early as their teens. And no, it’s not something that can change when we “meet the right person”.
4. There’s almost no representation in the media.
Sure, we can imagine a lot of our favorite characters as ace/aro (see: Charlie Weasley, Merida, Sherlock Holmes, Natasha Romanov), but it’s rarely confirmed or named (and sometimes, the character is later revealed to definitely not be ace—I’m looking at you, Amy Farrah Fowler) making for very miniscule canonical representation. This may not seem like a terrible thing at first, but with such little awareness and no examples in the media to look up to, a lot of aces spend good portions of their lives (if not all) thinking they’re broken or invisible.
5. You can be romantic (or aromantic).
This is where the definition of asexual gets confusing for some people. Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, but a person can still experience romantic attraction, and many aces often do. A biromantic asexual, for example, might fall in love with men and women, but they’ll never desire sex with that person or experience sexual attraction. In this way, asexuals can be heteroromantic asexual, biromantic asexual, homoromantic asexual, panromantic asexual, and so on.
Of course, it’s also entirely possible to be aromantic, which, as the term suggests, indicates a lack of romantic attraction. People who are both asexual and aromantic typically identify as “aroace” (or a similar term). And yes, it’s possible to be aromantic but not asexual, and there’s nothing wrong with that either.
6. We have some pretty nifty puns.
“You don’t hug asexuals. You embrace them.”
“I guess you could say…I aced the test.” “You got a 21% on it.” “Hush.”
“We don’t come out of the closet. We come out of the deck.”
“I know I’m an introvert. I just don’t do people.”
“I’ve got an ace up my sleeve. I am the ace!”
“My bed is where the magic happens. And by magic, I mean sleeping.”
Are these disgracefully terrible puns? Probably. But they’re ours. And there’s more.
7. Intersectionality is actually a big deal.
Intersectionality between the asexual community and other communities is growing all the time. Whether that means other LGBTQIA+ identities, mental/physical disabilities, and race, it’s obvious there is a lot of intersectionality that needs to come to light.
8. Asexuality is not a choice.
It’s easy to mistake asexuality with celibacy, but they’re very different things. Someone who is asexual can still choose to have sex if they wish, and asexuality is not a requirement for celibacy. (And it’s rare for someone who’s ace to think they’re better than those who aren’t because they don’t want sex.)
9. Not all identify as LGBTQIA+.
Many asexuals are heteroromantic, and as such don’t identify as part of the LGBTQIA+ community (and some do not feel welcome in the community, but that’s a discussion for a different time). Some do.
10. Neither aces nor aros are cold, heartless vegetables.
Asexuals don’t experience sexual attraction. That doesn’t mean we don’t like affection or that we’re cold and distant. Aromantics don’t experience romantic attraction. That doesn’t mean aros don’t experience deep platonic/familial/etc. love.
11. Cake.
If you want the asexual perspective in general, it can be summed up into one simple equation:
Cake > Sex
(We really love cake.)
Whether you think you might be asexual or you’re just curious about the concept, I recommend you visit AVEN (the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network) at asexuality.org for a lot of great information and resources.
Have an am-ace-ing week! (Ha ha…ha…)