With Spring Quarter in full swing and Deltopia right around the corner, now is the optimal time to take a refresher course in the characters we will be encountering on Saturday. For those of you who don’t know, Deltopia is a giant day party that takes place on the streets of Del Playa in which every block of DP in this fair city hides their valuables, orders a few kegs, and brings out their speakers. Many of these parties persist into the darkness—but only the true party champions make it past sunset. Deltopia summons a vast variety of the human species, so take a look at what you will be seeing on Saturday:
1. The Out-of-Towner
Much like during Halloween, the Out-of-Towners seem to be the ones who end up face-down in the sand or spend the majority of Deltopia’s fun and sun in the Drunk Tank.
2. The Freshman
Similar to the Out-of-Towners, the freshman is fervent, too intoxicated, and likely to be passed out by 2:00 p.m. The freshman can be spotted easily, as he/she travels in a pack with other like-minded freshmen, taking up the entire width of Isla Vista streets.
3. The Old Guy
Whether he is reliving his college memories or just looking for a short vacation from his 9 a.m.-5 p.m. life, there always seems to be an old guy or two roaming the streets of I.V. looking for a tapped keg and some youngins’ to rattle off the many great memories of his college years. Steer clear, Gauchos, or you won’t be making any memories of your own that day.
4. The Hot Mess
This cannot be pinpointed to one individual--there will be many of you. God bless this town.
5. The Angry Neighbor
Oh, yeah, other people live in Isla Vista! Contrary to what you believe, only 60% of Isla Vista’s residents are students. Sooo, mathematically speaking, that leaves about 40% of Isla Vista likely to be incredibly irritated by the noise, crowds, and general ridiculousness on Saturday.
6. The Po-Po
It wouldn’t be an enjoyable day out in Isla Vista without the fierce Isla Vista Foot Patrol ruining our fun. At least the Santa Barbara Police Department usually tags along with reins in hand, unaware that their horses are more intimidating than they are.
7. The SBCC Kid
The SBCC kid is recognizable by his/her sporting of an SBCC sweatshirt and open containers of alcohol in both hands—stealthy.
8. The Over-Eager
The Over-Eager aggressively commences his/her Deltopia festivities way too early, tapping kegs and getting out the red Solo cups at 8:00 a.m.—about the same time that shackers begin their walks of shame and healthy Gauchos go for their morning jogs.
9. The Exposed
Deltopia female fashion entails high-waisted shorts and a bandeau bathing suit top—some even cover up with a crochet top. Alcohol + minimal clothing= accidental nip slip…you can count on this.
10. The Expert
The Expert begins his/her Deltopia activities at the reasonable hour of about 1 or 2 p.m., stops at sunset, makes it to Freebirds, power naps, and makes it out at night—this Gaucho has Deltopia down to a science. The Expert is who we can all strive to be.
Have a fun and safe Deltopia, Gauchos--no matter which Deltopia character you choose to be!