Disney movies and chick flicks make it seem like falling in love is easy and undeniable. Suddenly, the girl gets swept away and everything that undoubtedly follows—turmoil, chaos, heartbreak—is just part of one grand love story. It’s how I thought, with no experience in relationships, love would be. And after over a year of long distance, all I can say for sure is that is probably-maybe-most-likely-totally isn’t.
Some background about me: I’m independent, and I revel in that. I love my alone time, and I never minded being single. When I met my now-boyfriend, it was great and I knew I liked him. But when it came to being in love, I wasn’t so sure because, well, I was just fine before.
The world had told me there would be no question when I truly fell in love, that I would feel like I couldn’t breathe without them. I felt none of these things. And being the prone-to-panic person that I am, I freaked out. What does this mean? I’ve been doing long distance for months, how do I not know yet?
Talking to one of my friends, I realized I wasn’t alone in feeling this way. In fact, she was freaked out about the exact same things I was, wondering if she was in love and panicking over the fact that it was a question at all. But here’s the thing: my friend is fantastic and independent, has her own life and a dozen and a half other interests. And she loves her boyfriend. So now I have a new theory:
You don’t have to feel like you can’t live without your significant other to know you’re in love. You don’t have to know you’re in love at all. Love is such a tricky, massive thing, and you don’t have to rush into it. I love my boyfriend, and while I’m still sticky on the concept of being in love, I know I want to be with him — even if I don’t have to be.
At least, that’s my theory for now. I don’t pretend to know all the answers, and I can say with almost absolute certainty that theory will be embroidered and inked over. But I suppose there is one thing I’ve learned from women much, much smarter than me that has yet to change: be yourself, choose happiness and let love find you.
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