Everybody can agree that college is a time for growing and learning. Not just learning academic material, but learning about yourself and about the world. For some people, it clicks right away, but others take time. Everybody is on their own beautiful journey to self discovery… or something like that. We make lots of mistakes along the way, and some people wouldn’t even recognize their freshman selves. For those of us who have already learned from our share of mistakes, it can be annoying to watch other people make theirs. Sometimes it’s hard to bite your tongue when you see somebody acting immature and doing things you probably did a couple years ago.
If you think of any random group of girls, you can probably think of a few who fit into these categories: girls who laugh a little louder than normal when they’re in public, girls who disagree when people compliment them, girls who point out their flaws to other people in the hopes that they’ll be told they’re wrong, girls who feel confident while they’re spending alone time with boys, but then feel worse than usual the next morning. If you pay close attention, you can find these girls pretty much anywhere. Hey, you might even be one. If you pay even closer attention, you might notice the frustration and disappointment shown by some of these girls’ friends.
This frustration doesn’t come from a malicious place. It comes from wanting to help others reach a better state of being themselves. Sometimes this frustration also comes off as jealousy, but it is not. Any girl who has been there before knows that real self confidence cannot come from the validation of anyone else. Girls who rely on boys thinking they’re cute or funny are actually just girls who don’t think very highly of themselves. The real reason why it’s so frustrating to see those girls get the attention they want is because it only perpetuates their insecurities. Every time a girl gets positive attention from a boy when she isn’t acting like herself, she will think the real her is not attractive enough. Every time a girl relies on somebody else’s compliment, the compliment disappears when she looks in the mirror. Every time a girl wakes up feeling ugly after a night when she felt beautiful with a boy, she will think that is her only use. A girl should not have to laugh or walk or act the way she thinks a boy would like. She should find her own version of cute and happy, and then be patient until she finds a boy who agrees.
Nobody will deny how great it feels to be complimented and flirted with. Flirting and spending time with guys are completely normal things. However, it is important that you feel just as strong on your own. The road to self-confidence is not an easy one, because it involves defining your own kind of beautiful. Find your genuine empowerment and happiness, and then let the rest fall into place. And if you are one of the girls who laughs a little too loud or has a tendency to ask for compliments, consider talking to one of your frustrated friends. She might have some good advice.